Thursday, September 28, 2006

What on earth...

As if we needed more definitive proof that American audiences have craptastic taste, here it is. I'm sorry, I didn't realize Two and a Half Men was still on, let alone that anyone watched it. The linked article says that apparently the highest-paid sitcom star ever was Ray Romano, for that steaming load that some people call "Everybody Loves Raymond."

This would make me laugh if it weren't so frightening. Fox can't even pull together an audience to save the best comedy show of all time from cancellation (yes, better than The Cosby Show, better than M*A*S*H, better than All in the Family, and better than I Love Lucy), yet Charlie Sheen makes $350K a pop for brainless gags and jokes you can see coming from a mile away. My God.

The next time I wonder why our country's going down the crapper, I need only read this post again. Audiences who enjoy this drivel actually are allowed out in public places like voting booths.

(As an aside, it's not that I particularly have any animosity for the show, like I do for "Raymond," it's just that it's so damn mediocre. I mean, top salary for this?).


Tuesday, September 26, 2006


There's something so fun about getting a package you weren't expecting. My sister got me a fun little gift for no particular reason at all! It's the coolest thing, too: it's a mug with this picture on it:

No wonder she and I get along so well :)

My ten secrets

Okay, heartinsanfrancisco tagged me, so I'm supposed to write down ten secrets about myself. I'm going to just self-define "secrets" here to mean anything I want it to, since although I do keep a blog where I send lots of personal thoughts out into the world of teh intarnets, there's still plenty about myself I don't tell just anyone. So with that caveat, here are 10 secrets about me:

1. This is my 300th post! (mwahahaha, I'm counting that!)

2. My first crush was Teddy Ruxpin. Yes, the animated teddy bear.

3. When I was five, I noticed a fire behind our neighbors' house. I started yelling "fire!" and my mom rushed over to the window and then called 911. They were able to put it out before it did any serious damage to the neighbors' property. To celebrate, they invited the neighborhood for a barbecue. That's rural Tennessee for ya...

4. One time when we were kids (I think I was around 9 or so, and my brother was about 7) my brother captured an earthworm and decided to keep it as a pet and kept it in an old plastic container with lots of dirt. I found the worm's home and I took him out and murdered him. My brother was so hurt and upset, to this day it still makes me want to cry that I did that.

5. I had my first boyfriend when I was nine years old. I didn't like him very much, but he had a Nintendo and I didn't. He was my first kiss -- and I don't mean a fake kiss, I full-on frenched him. One time I came over while he had some friends over, and he wouldn't let me play with them. So I stormed out and proclaimed that I wasn't going to kiss him anymore. He ran out after me and apologized, but I had another boyfriend I liked better anyway, so I dumped him. And yes, I did say nine. As in single digits.

The following Christmas, my brother and I split the cost of a Nintendo using Christmas money from our grandparents, so it all worked out in the end.

6. Animatronic robots are one of my biggest fears. I'm not kidding; they're right up there with zombies, spiders, and eternal damnation. If I ever fell out of the boat on the Jungle Cruise, I'd probably have a heart attack. When I was a kid, I'd scare myself by peeking under the curtain at Chuck E. Cheese because those dead-looking robots are just plain freaky as hell.

7. My uncle has creeped me out for years. When I was about 12 and we were visiting his family, I caught a glance of his collection of porn tapes. Don't ask me why he left these out in plain sight; he had young kids (daughters, in case anyone wanted to make the argument that maybe he didn't see anything wrong with letting his sons see it (wrong wrong wrong)). Anyway, he also has kind of a weird twitch in his eye that sometimes looks like a wink. And so for years I never wanted to be alone around him. He just creeped me out.

8. I seriously considered killing myself once, before I gained real-life perspective on existence. It was the summer after my first year of law school. I'd gone into the final quarter with law-review-shoo-in grades, and came out with a C and a low B, among other grades. I literally sat in my apartment and sobbed for three days straight, and actually, seriously contemplated killing myself. This is the harm that our hyper-competitive society does to people. I bought into the myth that grades and academic achievement were objective measures of competency and, therefore, value. I now understand that this is not the case. And this is why I can't *quite* call myself a Western Capitalist anymore, even though I am pretty materialistic.

And even though I've grown up a lot from that dark, terrible place, I'm still haunted ever so slightly by regret that I didn't "succeed" the way I planned to. What can I say? I'm a recovering Type A. They need to develop a support group for people like us.

9. I still kind of want to be a movie star. Supposedly this is true of "everyone" in Los Angeles. Well, at least I admit it.

10. It sounds trite, but my best friend really is my mom.

So I didn't see any rules about how many people I'm supposed to tag... I'll just go ahead and tag odderie, lak, drew, roonie, and special sauce. Your turns!! :)

Monday, September 25, 2006

Yes, let's just blame those phony "feminists"

Is it any wonder women like me still talk about the Glass Ceiling, when "reputable" rags like Forbes offer up articles like this as actual serious commentary??? It purports to present "women's" point of view by offering up tasty little tidbits like the following:
"Why not make it yourself?" critics often ask Ginie Polo Sayles, author of How
to Marry Rich. Her response: "You can, but you can do it faster with a man."

If it sounds mercenary, that's because it is. But it's also nothing new.
"We're genetically programmed to go after successful men," explains Lisa
Johnson, author of How to Snare a Millionaire. "All the way back to caveman
days, women had to mate with the best hunters, gatherers and providers for the
propagation of our species."
Thank goodness they also offer a helping of good sense:
Not all women are convinced money is the brass ring: "It is good fortune if the
person you love--male or female--happens to have money," says Kim Gandy,
president of the National Organization for Women. "It's a wonderful thing, and
it can certainly make life better and open opportunities for you and your
children. But it's a real mistake to think that money can buy love or happiness.
It can't."

But most of the rest of the article is typical stereotyping of women as lazy golddiggers who would prefer to mooch off of their men rather than actually hold jobs. They even pretend to make this scientific by noting a study that finds that women tend to be happier if their husbands make more money than they do. Of course, these findings couldn't *possibly* have anything to do with the sexist, misogynist work conditions most of us find upon entering the working world. Sexual harassment laws and training only scratch the surface (and, as many women could tell you, sometimes only add to the problems, as some people apparently take sexual harassment training to give them license to make lewd, inappropriate, demeaning jokes. That, my friends, is irony).

I have no respect left for Forbes. The "career woman" fiasco just last month was enough to make me doubt their value in this age where it's fashionable to at least pretend to believe in equality. This confirms it: Forbes, you're lost your touch. Move over and make room for the 21st century.

And don't come crawling back to your Sugar Momma when you realize the error of your ways. I've no more interest in you.

HT: Feministing

Friday, September 22, 2006

I have a confession to make

I can't stand McDreamy.

Don't get me wrong. It's not as though I don't understand and appreciate his appeal. And I'll be the first to admit that Patrick Dempsey makes for some YUM. MEE. eye candy (although new love-triangle-competitor Chris O'Donnell is no slouch in the looks department either).

But make no mistake, his character is Pure, Grade-A, Unadulterated Jackass (TM).

Poor Meredith Grey. They say the appeal of the show stems from its relatability. Hence my dislike of McDreamy. Apparently the theory is that every woman has had a McDreamy in her life, and I'm sorry to say that I'm no exception. My McDreamy, too, had an attachment to someone else, but the chemistry was indescribably mind-blowing. And this blinded me to the fact that he was simply a confused loser, and a jackass. As indecisive and inconvenient as Derek Shepherd, my McDreamy always popped up at *precisely* the wrong moment. I would be doing fine, living my life happily and enjoying time with my friends, and suddenly he would call to apologize for being out of touch, and we should get dinner and catch up. And like an idiot, I let him pull it more times than I even have a right to be ashamed of. Men like him fuck with you just when you've finished reeling from the last painful encounter. Then, as soon as they've gotten you attached to them again, as soon as you're no longer unattainable, they go back to their pretty red-headed wives and girlfriends (most of whom turn out to be amazingly wonderful people whom you should have been friends with in the first place, rather than wasting your time with Dreamy McAsshole, and who don't deserve to be put through the kind of shit he also puts them through, not that this ever matters to an obsessively jealous mistress blinded by chemistry), and you and your friends are left to pick up the pieces, once again, and sit there and suffer while he goes along on his happy way, bouncing between his two women with nary a consequence.

Fortunately, I had an amazing smart woman in my life (my wonderful sister) who helped me see through his bullshit and cut off communication with him, forever. I can't describe how much of a happier person I am since doing that. So I hope that this season we'll see Meredith start to make some smart choices too.

Until then, I will sit here and loathe McDreamy for her.


Thursday, September 21, 2006

May the Schwartz be with you!

This makes me very very happy.

Apparently Mel Brooks is making an animated show based on Spaceballs. I'm not sure exactly how it will work; it sounds like it's a little broader than the basic Spaceballs plot, but I'm still excited about it.

It's too bad there will be no Barf, though :( (I mean, there could be, but it wouldn't really be him). I miss you, John Candy!

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Monday, September 18, 2006

Bluto's victory!

Somewhere, Popeye is crying himself to sleep.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Blu Cantrell, where are you?

I miss the good ol' days where when your man wanted to get buckwild, you just went back and hit 'em up style.

Apparently nowadays the response is to shell out a whole five hundred bucks to pay someone to kill the ho he may or may not be bagging. Because, yeah, *she's* the one you should be pissed at.

Jeebus. Sweetie, lay off the Big Macs. Clearly the Mickey D's chemicals are inhibiting your brain function. Stop before it is too late!!

Oh, wait. Whoopsie.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

These heads have already been crushed!

Yes, yes, we all know Saddam Hussein is an evil dictator. But based on this story, am I the only one who has a sneaking suspicion he's also a closet KitH fan?

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Because why go for reasoned argument when you can throw around hyperbole?

Leftists are comparing Bush to Hitler. Bush and Bushites are comparing Bin Laden to Hitler. Apparently analogies are no longer rhetorical tools, but have become arguments themselves.

One of my favorite law professors used to note, humorously, that whichever side invokes Hitler first, loses. His point was clear: guilt by association always has been, and always will be, a logical fallacy. I don't know or care who started it here. So I'm going to call it: when people on both sides stop arguing and resort to yelling and name-calling, we've all lost.

Dammit. I hate losing.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Rest in peace, mate

Obviously you've all heard by now that the Crocodile Hunter died this week. The news made me sadder than I would have thought it would... the more I read about him, the more I realize what a loss this is for the environment and the world. Then I stumbled across this Chuck Norris-style homage. Here are some of the better excerpts:

Tom Cruise believes in Steve Irwin.

When Steve Irwin was a child, his friends were skipping stones out on the lake. Steve Irwin thought that game was stupid, so he picked up the biggest rock he could find and hurled it into the sky. That rock is now called The Moon.

The best weapon in Halo 2 is Steve Irwin.

Steve Irwin once mated with a crocodile and had a child. That child grew up to be Chuck Norris.

The website isn't the best of these I've seen, but I like the idea. There are a few chucklers in there.

Anyway, RIP Steve.

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Tuesday, September 05, 2006

For the little nerd in all of us

Scientists are saying there are plenty of dinosaurs out there we haven't invented names for yet. It's enough to make a Jurassic Park lover pee his pants.

I wonder if they count our underwater ally as "discovered" or "undiscovered"?