Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Fucking Valentine's Day

I had fucking JURY DUTY today. Everyone at the Los Angeles Superior Court (with the exception of one very patient and courteous bailiff in Department 55 of the criminal court downtown) is fucking RUDE and INCOMPETENT.

After wasting my entire goddamned day sitting in the jury assembly room (thank God I brought work, which I finished in about 3 hours and then sat around wishing I had a fucking computer), they finally called me to a courtroom at FOUR O'CLOCK PM. This is an asstastically stupid time to call a jury panel, as the court closes at 4:30. The idiot judge swears us in and tells us we have to come back tomorrow at 10:30 a.m. for jury selection. I hope maggots eat his toes. He did NOTHING productive by having us come in at 4:00. He could JUST AS EASILY have called a new jury panel tomorrow at 10:30 a.m.; the difference would be he would only waste ONE day of their time, whereas he is now wasting at least TWO of mine. For my trouble I will receive a grand total of fifteen fucking dollars. I make fifteen dollars in about as many minutes. This is bullshit. Next time I get called I'm seriously tempted to just pay the $1K fine (yes, $1K) and be done with it.

As a delicious irony, this being V-Day and all, it's a domestic violence case. Me being the unabashed radical feminist (not to mention, you know, attorney) that I am, you would hope that no one would want me on this jury (having an independent mind and all that). My mom and secretary both seem to think they're so desperate for people there's no guarantee I'll get off (what, they're desperate? When they pay people fifteen dollars for two days of jury service? How can this be?). Well fine then. The instant anything remotely sexist comes out of the mouth of the defendant, his attorney, or any of his witnesses, he's earned himself a prison sentence (short of a hung jury).

Also, I have plane tickets to Boston next Friday, and I'm taking that flight. So they'll either have to finish the trial before then, or they can wait until I'm back to get a verdict.

This is so fucking retarded. This is my VACATION time they are taking. I get ZERO billable credit for this. They are robbing my PERSONAL time. And the "payment" for service? Thanking us for "taking time out of [our] busy day[s]"? What a fucking insult. I'd rather they do us the dignity of just admitting that this is the ass-rape of voters that it is, and apologize for not having the intelligence to think up a more efficient system (say, one that doesn't make me waste an entire day before I'm even called, "just in case" they might randomly need me), and maybe flagellate themselves a little. Seriously, I'd much rather have that than some insulting $15 check.

Oh, also, Blogger forced me to switch to new Blogger today. Fuck you, Blogger. I prefer the old Blogger.

And now back to making up for all the work I had no time to get done today.

UPDATE: Yay for plea bargains!!

God, I feel dirty just saying that.

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13 Comments:

At February 15, 2007 at 8:48 AM, Blogger The Law Fairy said...

Okay, new comment policy.

If you act like a tool, a troll, or an asshole, or if I don't like you or I'm just plain in a bad mood that day and your stupid pointless comment makes my mood worse, I'll delete your comment and dance on its grave.

 
At February 15, 2007 at 9:45 AM, Anonymous knights13_ghost said...

LF, you seem like you are having a bad week. Look at the bright side; you didn't have to shovel your driveway 10 times in a period of 12 hours. :) ugh.

 
At February 15, 2007 at 1:28 PM, Blogger Michele said...

Hmmm, that sucks. I hope that maggots eat his toes and fleas eat his dog.

We are experiencing peanut butter induced salmonella here. (I will not get into the specifics of what I have to do to test my children - suffice it to say that there are reasons I am not a nurse!

 
At February 15, 2007 at 2:31 PM, Blogger Drewcatt said...

Oh my sweet mother...

It's apparent that there are benefits to not being a citizen.

 
At February 15, 2007 at 4:58 PM, Blogger The Law Fairy said...

knights, heh. I am having a pretty shitty week... I've been all kinds of short on the ol' blogosphere the past couple of days. I am glad not to have to shovel -- though I do kinda wish I was back home in the snow right now.

michele, yikes!! I hope your kidlets are A-Okay!

drew, there most certainly are.

 
At February 15, 2007 at 8:55 PM, Anonymous legallyblondeez said...

Hi. Just wanted to avoid threadjacking over at Feministing and say hello, nice to meet you, & all that.

Since I don't have a blog from which you can surmise my background, I'm a biglaw slave at a branch office in Palo Alto, CA, So Cal native but alum of Columbia Law. It's nice that there is another concerned member of the bar commenting on Feministing--I just discovered it a few weeks ago when a friend was interviewed there.

Do you work for biglaw in LA? Are you benefitting from the recent raises? Hope the jury duty gets to be less of a pain--are you at least a litigator so a glimpse of the courtroom might be somewhat interesting?

hrm. I don't have a good way to give you my email w/o broadcasting to the rest of the universe, but I guess I'll check back here to see if you have the time and inclination to answer my questions. Until then . . .

 
At February 16, 2007 at 1:50 PM, Blogger Andy said...

Fabulous rant. Well done.

Enjoy your weekend!

 
At February 16, 2007 at 2:08 PM, Blogger The Law Fairy said...

legallyblondeez, thanks for visiting! I am at biglaw, and gratefully did benefit from the recent salary war. I'm also a litigator, and for this reason would make a terrible juror. You're not supposed to bring special skills with you into the deliberation room, but I can't turn off my brain just because I'm suddenly a "juror." Fortunately the defendant pled out, so I did not have to sit for this case (phew!) FYI, if you click the link to my profile you'll find my email address, but feel free to email me at lawfairy@gmail.com.

Andy, thanks! You have a good weekend, too.

 
At February 16, 2007 at 5:44 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

I have never passed an "audition" for jury service because they always ask if I am related to any lawyers. As soon as I say I am, they thank me and move on.

My son, who IS a lawyer in SF, has served on juries, though, so either my theory is wrong or it's a matter of what field of law is involved.

You're right about the pay being insulting, and if it falls below a certain amount, they make it easier to forego it altogether.

I believe in the system; I just don't want to participate in it.

 
At February 16, 2007 at 5:53 PM, Blogger The Law Fairy said...

heart, how funny! On a tangentially related note, no joke, when I was growing up my friends would always ask me about bruises or sprains, etc., as though I knew anything helpful just because my dad is a doctor. It's like people think specialized knowledge is hereditary, or something.

Or maybe it's the laser beams shooting from your eyes. Can you shoot laser beams from your eyes? And if so, can you teach me?

 
At February 17, 2007 at 5:58 AM, Blogger Andy said...

I sat on a jury for a civil malpractice suit that was absolutely, positively, utterly and in all other adverbial ways possible without merit, yet it managed to drag on for two weeks of sheer hell. The jury reached a unanimous decision within a minute of retiring to the deliberation room, however the judge had sent everyone off for lunch so we had to sit there for two hours.

The high point of the proceedings would be when the judge interrupted the spectacularly inept attorney for the plaintiff to say, "Mr. Finkelberg, if you are not going to raise an objection, I will object on your behalf."

[Names have been altered to protect the incompetent.]

 
At February 17, 2007 at 8:13 AM, Blogger The Law Fairy said...

Andy, I think I may have met that attorney... ;)

I hate court hours. Those people get SO MUCH MORE FREE TIME than I do.

 
At February 28, 2007 at 3:07 PM, Blogger DarthImmortal said...

This is one of the funniest postings I have ever read!!!

 

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