Warning: Anti-male Rant and RULES for the girls

I'm not playing here. This isn't just another one of my feminist rants. This is an actual, honest-to-God, men-are-pissing-me-off-and-I'm-pulling-no-punches, Men Suck Rant.*

*My disclaimer is that I have a fair number of male friends who are more or less decent, but even many of them (all but a tiny sprinkling, as in, I can think of *maybe* two) exhibit every now and then characteristics that I will deem generally male, that are the result of millenia of pig-headdery (now a word) and unjustified thinking that NO ONE, not even most women (and hence, many women are at fault here as well), ever calls them on. This isn't to impugn their character (at least, not some of them), since being raised in our society and never being taught to respect women (opening doors does NOT equal respect), it's hardly their fault that they turn into such idiots.

HERE IT BEGINS.

YOU HAVE BEEN DULY WARNED.

I've blogged before about various internet dating sites, including okcupid, the starting point of this story. I was actually having happy thoughts about okcupid, since it introduced me to Recent Squeeze, who I've since dumped due to his refusal to act like an Actual Boyfriend (he phrased this as not being ready for a "serious relationship" -- apparently making plans past the next 12 hours qualifies as "serious." Whatever, dude). He was good enough to offer to be "a date" for me the next time I needed someone to go to the movies with (translation from man-speak: "I still want to have sex with you"). But darn it, wouldn't you know, I've lost his cell phone number.

Before breaking up with Monsignor Sexman (credit for the nickname due to RL friend Cathy), I'd had the pleasure of meeting someone named Creepy McCreeperson. Unfortunately, Creepy McCreeperson didn't tell me his real name, and instead said his name was Peter. I didn't learn the truth until later. Creepy told me he was dating someone, and I told him I was dating someone as well, and he appeared to be interested in a friendship since he was planning, supposedly, to attend law school sometime in the not-too-distant future.

Fast-forward a few weeks, I've broken up with Monsignor Sexman, and Creepy IMs me one day. He asks how things are going with MS and I tell him we've broken up. He then does a song and dance about how his relationship is good except for the sex, and he wants to try things out with me. Excuse me?? He hedges and makes up pathetic excuse after fabrication after laughable pretense of decency. After I tell him I think it's shitty of him to be out looking for pussy when he's already seeing someone, he accuses me of "not understanding." Riiight. Because there are *so many* girls out there who have no problem with their man sleeping with anyone he wants. Boy, where do I sign up??

When I make it clear I wasn't born yesterday and I'm not buying his steaming load, he starts to pout and accuses ME of overreacting? Excuse me?? I tell him I'm just being honest, same as him, and he sulks and stops talking.

Phew, dodged a bullet there. Oh, silly, brain, you think too soon!

I made the mistake of *not* blocking Creepy on AIM, and tonight he IMs me, again, and has the audacity to try and strike up a conversation. I don't immediately respond with "let's have sex!!" so he starts pouting again (what is up with the pouting?? Are we seven??). He then accuses me of "rejecting" an "olive branch" for friendship. I point out to him that he's being ridiculous and he, offended, claims he was just "being honest." You want honesty? Okay then. I tell him I'm not going to sleep with him. How's that for honesty? He pretends to laugh and asks "ever?" I say I'm not interested and if that's what he's looking for he shouldn't waste his time. Unsurprisingly, he signs off shortly aftwerwards. I'm not making the mistake of forgetting to block him this time.

So, with that lengthy backstory, HERE COMES THE RANT.

Just because not all men would cheat on their girlfriends doesn't mean they're not as creepy as Creepy McCreeperson. The reason most men wouldn't cheat is because they don't want to get caught (guys, if you're reading this -- and you shouldn't be, since I did warn you -- don't try to dispute it. I will see right through you, as I see right through most men). In other words, in addition to being immature, they're big fat cowards.

Some scientists will try to tell us that men have some "hard-wired" need for variety, just because they observe different brain patterns in adult men who have had their entire lives to become accustomed to the world being Man's Oyster. Gee -- men desire variety when they find that sex is pleasurable (as it always is for men, since women's free sexuality has only been embraced -- and then only haltingly -- in *maybe* the past twenty years or so)?? Boy, what a surprise! If men were socialized *one iota* to care about what women wanted and needed out of sex, women would crave variety just as much as men. As it is, we're so thrilled when we find a guy who bothers to, ahem, use his tongue for so much as twenty seconds, that we grasp onto him and don't let him go, lest the next guy not give us any much-needed attention. As it is, it's really no surprise that men want variety -- with all the sex tips out there for pleasing men and virtually every woman learning them (lest she be dumped for someone better in bed!), it's no surprise that men don't worry they won't find someone just as good. In our Man's World, they're virtually guaranteed to! It doesn't take an evolutionary biologist to recognize these Basic Facts About Our Society.

And while we're on the topic of sex, I Hate how men deem themselves "kinky" or "adventurous" for having "wild" sexual fantasies, when the fact is that EVERY MAN has THE EXACT SAME THREE FANTASIES:
1) Anal sex
2) A threesome
3) Some form of bondage
Yeah. Real creative, guys. Never heard that one before.

And here's the problem -- women *never* call men on this shit. It's too much work, or men will just find someone else (probably true), or they don't "really" mind (lying to themselves). Men are such *wusses* when you call them on their shit. They get defensive, or they blame-shift. Men are master of manipulation just as much as women -- they just don't *have* to be as devious because men are allowed to ask for what they want.

When women ask for what they want, or say what they don't want, they're treated as though they don't really know what they want. If I say I want to focus on my career, people doubt me *because I'm a woman*. What if I get married? What if I have kids? *If* those things ever happen (and that's a big "if," these days especially), that doesn't mean I won't want to focus on my career anymore than it would mean the same for a man. And yet, I am a *woman*, so I can't *possibly* know what I want. If I say to a guy, I don't want a fuckbuddy, he tries to argue with me as though I don't really know what I want!!!

These are not isolated incidents. It happens time after time after time after time and I am getting sick of it!! I know I don't usually use my blog to air personal grievances, but this was getting to me tonight. So I'm going to make a plea to all the women out there: stop putting up with this!!! Yes, it is men who are fucking with our lives -- but if we don't do anything about it, if we just sit around and take this kind of treatment, we're just as much to blame. Women, stand up for yourselves! We are not doormats! We do not exist for men's pleasure! Being alone is better than being with someone who doesn't deserve you, I promise!!

So, while this is an anti-male rant, the ones who have to do something about it are us WOMEN. The men have made it clear they're not going to change -- and why should they? If I had it that easy I wouldn't have a reason to want to change, either. So, women, here are your new RULES.

RULE 1. If you suspect a man means something other than what he said, pin him down. Get him to say exactly what he means. Chances are, he's hiding it because he knows that what he has to say is fucked up, and doesn't want to have to hear himself say it.

RULE 2. Never do anything you don't want to do, no matter how much a man cajoles you or what he promises you. Even on the off-chance he isn't lying, it isn't worth your self-respect.

RULE 3. Don't settle in the bedroom. Ever.

RULE 4. Love yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself.

RULE 5. Never need anyone for anything. You don't need a man to change your tire. You don't need Daddy to help pay your bills. You don't need a boyfriend or a whore to have good sex.

RULE 6. Decide what you want out of life and don't compromise. Ever. No matter what people tell you, settling is settling.

Okay, I feel kinda better now.