Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Warning: Anti-male Rant and RULES for the girls

I'm not playing here. This isn't just another one of my feminist rants. This is an actual, honest-to-God, men-are-pissing-me-off-and-I'm-pulling-no-punches, Men Suck Rant.*

*My disclaimer is that I have a fair number of male friends who are more or less decent, but even many of them (all but a tiny sprinkling, as in, I can think of *maybe* two) exhibit every now and then characteristics that I will deem generally male, that are the result of millenia of pig-headdery (now a word) and unjustified thinking that NO ONE, not even most women (and hence, many women are at fault here as well), ever calls them on. This isn't to impugn their character (at least, not some of them), since being raised in our society and never being taught to respect women (opening doors does NOT equal respect), it's hardly their fault that they turn into such idiots.



I've blogged before about various internet dating sites, including okcupid, the starting point of this story. I was actually having happy thoughts about okcupid, since it introduced me to Recent Squeeze, who I've since dumped due to his refusal to act like an Actual Boyfriend (he phrased this as not being ready for a "serious relationship" -- apparently making plans past the next 12 hours qualifies as "serious." Whatever, dude). He was good enough to offer to be "a date" for me the next time I needed someone to go to the movies with (translation from man-speak: "I still want to have sex with you"). But darn it, wouldn't you know, I've lost his cell phone number.

Before breaking up with Monsignor Sexman (credit for the nickname due to RL friend Cathy), I'd had the pleasure of meeting someone named Creepy McCreeperson. Unfortunately, Creepy McCreeperson didn't tell me his real name, and instead said his name was Peter. I didn't learn the truth until later. Creepy told me he was dating someone, and I told him I was dating someone as well, and he appeared to be interested in a friendship since he was planning, supposedly, to attend law school sometime in the not-too-distant future.

Fast-forward a few weeks, I've broken up with Monsignor Sexman, and Creepy IMs me one day. He asks how things are going with MS and I tell him we've broken up. He then does a song and dance about how his relationship is good except for the sex, and he wants to try things out with me. Excuse me?? He hedges and makes up pathetic excuse after fabrication after laughable pretense of decency. After I tell him I think it's shitty of him to be out looking for pussy when he's already seeing someone, he accuses me of "not understanding." Riiight. Because there are *so many* girls out there who have no problem with their man sleeping with anyone he wants. Boy, where do I sign up??

When I make it clear I wasn't born yesterday and I'm not buying his steaming load, he starts to pout and accuses ME of overreacting? Excuse me?? I tell him I'm just being honest, same as him, and he sulks and stops talking.

Phew, dodged a bullet there. Oh, silly, brain, you think too soon!

I made the mistake of *not* blocking Creepy on AIM, and tonight he IMs me, again, and has the audacity to try and strike up a conversation. I don't immediately respond with "let's have sex!!" so he starts pouting again (what is up with the pouting?? Are we seven??). He then accuses me of "rejecting" an "olive branch" for friendship. I point out to him that he's being ridiculous and he, offended, claims he was just "being honest." You want honesty? Okay then. I tell him I'm not going to sleep with him. How's that for honesty? He pretends to laugh and asks "ever?" I say I'm not interested and if that's what he's looking for he shouldn't waste his time. Unsurprisingly, he signs off shortly aftwerwards. I'm not making the mistake of forgetting to block him this time.

So, with that lengthy backstory, HERE COMES THE RANT.

Just because not all men would cheat on their girlfriends doesn't mean they're not as creepy as Creepy McCreeperson. The reason most men wouldn't cheat is because they don't want to get caught (guys, if you're reading this -- and you shouldn't be, since I did warn you -- don't try to dispute it. I will see right through you, as I see right through most men). In other words, in addition to being immature, they're big fat cowards.

Some scientists will try to tell us that men have some "hard-wired" need for variety, just because they observe different brain patterns in adult men who have had their entire lives to become accustomed to the world being Man's Oyster. Gee -- men desire variety when they find that sex is pleasurable (as it always is for men, since women's free sexuality has only been embraced -- and then only haltingly -- in *maybe* the past twenty years or so)?? Boy, what a surprise! If men were socialized *one iota* to care about what women wanted and needed out of sex, women would crave variety just as much as men. As it is, we're so thrilled when we find a guy who bothers to, ahem, use his tongue for so much as twenty seconds, that we grasp onto him and don't let him go, lest the next guy not give us any much-needed attention. As it is, it's really no surprise that men want variety -- with all the sex tips out there for pleasing men and virtually every woman learning them (lest she be dumped for someone better in bed!), it's no surprise that men don't worry they won't find someone just as good. In our Man's World, they're virtually guaranteed to! It doesn't take an evolutionary biologist to recognize these Basic Facts About Our Society.

And while we're on the topic of sex, I Hate how men deem themselves "kinky" or "adventurous" for having "wild" sexual fantasies, when the fact is that EVERY MAN has THE EXACT SAME THREE FANTASIES:
1) Anal sex
2) A threesome
3) Some form of bondage
Yeah. Real creative, guys. Never heard that one before.

And here's the problem -- women *never* call men on this shit. It's too much work, or men will just find someone else (probably true), or they don't "really" mind (lying to themselves). Men are such *wusses* when you call them on their shit. They get defensive, or they blame-shift. Men are master of manipulation just as much as women -- they just don't *have* to be as devious because men are allowed to ask for what they want.

When women ask for what they want, or say what they don't want, they're treated as though they don't really know what they want. If I say I want to focus on my career, people doubt me *because I'm a woman*. What if I get married? What if I have kids? *If* those things ever happen (and that's a big "if," these days especially), that doesn't mean I won't want to focus on my career anymore than it would mean the same for a man. And yet, I am a *woman*, so I can't *possibly* know what I want. If I say to a guy, I don't want a fuckbuddy, he tries to argue with me as though I don't really know what I want!!!

These are not isolated incidents. It happens time after time after time after time and I am getting sick of it!! I know I don't usually use my blog to air personal grievances, but this was getting to me tonight. So I'm going to make a plea to all the women out there: stop putting up with this!!! Yes, it is men who are fucking with our lives -- but if we don't do anything about it, if we just sit around and take this kind of treatment, we're just as much to blame. Women, stand up for yourselves! We are not doormats! We do not exist for men's pleasure! Being alone is better than being with someone who doesn't deserve you, I promise!!

So, while this is an anti-male rant, the ones who have to do something about it are us WOMEN. The men have made it clear they're not going to change -- and why should they? If I had it that easy I wouldn't have a reason to want to change, either. So, women, here are your new RULES.

RULE 1. If you suspect a man means something other than what he said, pin him down. Get him to say exactly what he means. Chances are, he's hiding it because he knows that what he has to say is fucked up, and doesn't want to have to hear himself say it.

RULE 2. Never do anything you don't want to do, no matter how much a man cajoles you or what he promises you. Even on the off-chance he isn't lying, it isn't worth your self-respect.

RULE 3. Don't settle in the bedroom. Ever.

RULE 4. Love yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself.

RULE 5. Never need anyone for anything. You don't need a man to change your tire. You don't need Daddy to help pay your bills. You don't need a boyfriend or a whore to have good sex.

RULE 6. Decide what you want out of life and don't compromise. Ever. No matter what people tell you, settling is settling.

Okay, I feel kinda better now.


At March 30, 2006 at 12:52 AM, Blogger annika said...

I love your nicknames! Monsignor Sexman and Creepy McCreeperson. lol

At March 30, 2006 at 6:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just for the record, I am a male, and don't have the Bondage fantasy. And I'd gladly trade the threesome for random outfits of my choosing. As for the Anal? Yeah, that's a male thing. Sorry, an entire gender can't be that wrong though...

-George McDreamy

At March 30, 2006 at 7:46 AM, Blogger The Law Fairy said...

annika -- thanks! Vindictive nicknames are my favorite kind ;)

anon -- a male who implicitly admits watching Grey's Anatomy?? I dunno... ;)

At March 30, 2006 at 8:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know you're busy and reading for fun is probably very far from your mind, but I recommend that you read Chapter 4 of A Vindication of the Rights of Woman by Mary Wollstonecraft. It is a touch difficult to read, but I'm certain you will like it (You might even like the rest of the book, but I haven't read the rest, so I don't know).

At March 30, 2006 at 9:58 AM, Blogger The Law Fairy said...

J -- I love Mary Wollstonecraft! I technically have *time* to read these days, but all too often I find myself plopped on the couch in front of the telly :P Of course, anyone who wants to check out my Amazon wish list will note that I've requested several interesting titles :D

At March 30, 2006 at 9:53 PM, Blogger mythago said...

Great rant, but small disagreement--don't bother to 'pin him down'. You wasted buckets of time on M. Mccreeperson. Why bother arguing or making the point that he's an assclown? If a man is being a loser, cut him dead and walk away. Don't waste precious seconds trying to prove he's a creep. HE knows it. YOU know it.

At March 30, 2006 at 10:14 PM, Blogger The Law Fairy said...

Good point Mythago -- I guess I was thinking more in terms of if you're in a relationship with someone you want to commit to and he's hesitant about asking for something/telling you something. In which case I guess the rule sounds a little harsher than it needs to. (I would like to point out, because I'm very proud of myself, that I didn't try to "get" MS to change before breaking up with him, since I realized it would be pointless).

But thanks for reading through the rant. Some days, nothing gets the badness out of your system like a good rant. Ah!

At March 31, 2006 at 9:31 AM, Blogger DarthImmortal said...

I do not think the small group of men you have met should represent all males. Of the three fantasies you listed only one (the threesome) would be in my top 3. The problem is these days most men get their idea of sexuality from internet porn; when that is not even close to reality. And to further complicate matters, every man meets a wild woman in his life that also believes internet porn is the way.

My top fantasies all involve scenarios with that one special girl and things I would like to do with her not to her. For example, getting snowed in a cabin in the mountains with my woman is a great fantasy of mine. We can now enjoy a bottle of wine and a fireplace without being disturbed.

Men do have a really issue with getting their woman off and I do not know why. I have always wanted to get my woman off first because that is always a turn on for me. But most of my male friends are hit and run even though I try to convince then otherwise.

At March 31, 2006 at 10:40 AM, Blogger The Law Fairy said...

darth, it's true that there are good men out there, and I'm fortunate enough to know a few of them. Of course, I've never dated any of them which might explain some of my frustration.

It's good to hear that you are concerned about pleasing your woman -- this is something that is not encouraged enough, and I think a lot of it is actually women's fault. Too many women think they *need* someone so they settle for less than they deserve in many areas, including the bedroom (destroying any incentive for men to work harder at making their partners happy). I hear a lot of talk out there from dating gurus and such about how men really "want" to make women happy, but the reality of it as I've found, sadly, is that men want women to *be* happy, but far too few are actually willing to put in the work to make sure they're not causing them unhappiness.

I may have misused the word "fantasy" since I suppose it does imply some sort of surrounding storyline -- I do find, however, that a lot of men have these three deep-down wishes when they talk about doing something "kinky" in the bedroom. But, then again, maybe it's just that I'm dating the wrong men. ("Maybe"? Okay, probably more of a "definitely").

At March 31, 2006 at 12:44 PM, Blogger DarthImmortal said...

I was lucky enough once to date a woman that was into other women. She was the one that provided the threesome fantasy and it was totally her idea. She also taught me the proper way to please a woman and is the one responsible for my talents in the bedroom and changing the way I have sex. Those were fun times!

At March 31, 2006 at 4:58 PM, Blogger The Law Fairy said...

Darth, sounds like you both had a lot of fun! :)

At April 15, 2006 at 6:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aw, DI is just lying his way into your pants. He'll pump twice and squirt like all the rest after the first few valient efforts at pleasing you.

You're not right about much here except that your wounds are self-inflicted.

As for kink:
Assfucking-too unhealthy to play with. Where do you think all this Hep B came from?
Threesome-way too much work
Bondage-with all the freaks in this world, I don't need that much stress in my life.

I am however partial to giving a hot oil massage, and there is something so erotic about washing a woman in a bathtub.



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