Sunday, June 19, 2005


**DISLCAIMER** Advance apologies to my male readers (in fact, if you're male you might not wanna read this). If you proceed to read this post, well, you've been duly warned. I'm in a very foul mood and it's because of a man, and I'm thus feeling quite vindictive. My mouth has become accordingly fouler.

< bitter rant >

I'm pissed off. A boy has ruined my weekend. Ruined. I don't want to talk about it. But I'm mad. So I'm in a very anti-boy mood. Then I went and read the May issue of GQ, which has an article in it about men keeping secrets in relationships. Don't ask me why GQ runs articles telling men why they're fucked up -- I mean, you would think, or hope, they could figure that out on their own. But I was interested to read it, anyway. I read it and I was disappointed. Rather than providing any real depth or insight into the male psyche, which it starts off by describing as "complicated" (this intrigued me, since women's mags and even men themselves always portray men as simple, which I've never believed), it instead proceeds to point out that there's some magical inexplicable difference between men and women that drives men to need more out of life, so therefore we're all better off if men just get what they want. Because, you know, the world needs more apologists for men's shortcomings. Not that women don't have shortcomings, but we're trained from age zero to despise ourselves for our shortcomings and then hide those shortcomings so that some man, someday, might find it in his heart to think that he loves us, as long as we're careful and to never let on how unworthy we are. I'm not kidding here. Men have no clue about the fucked-up shit women are socialized to believe about themselves. And meanwhile you have people like Boy I'm Pissed At, who manage to float through life selfishly hurting women and acting as though they've done nothing wrong, and Assface the GQ writer who claims that we're all better off if we just continue to allow men to misbehave. Because that's really what women want anyway. Seriously, if women didn't want men to lie to them they wouldn't let them. So you see, it's all women's fault. Clearly.

That's it. I'm going lesbian now. I mean real lesbian, not hot lesbian. No making out in front of men, and I might even gain weight and cut my hair short, just to spite them. I am SO FUCKING SICK of all of this male bullshit. On top of being total asswipes, they even get to run the world. This is some kind of cosmic joke. It really must be.

< /bitter rant >

As a corollary to the above post, I've decided that Bar/Bri is PMS on steroids. I don't think I usually get this upset over run-of-the-mill clueless stupidity. It's not Bar/Bri itself that I'm stressed out about, but it somehow gets under my skin and makes everything else in life seem a hundred times worse. Yup. That's my excuse.

So, of course, instead of actually doing work, I think I'm going to watch a movie that will make me cry. Get it out of my system and all that jazz. Sigh.


At June 19, 2005 at 2:02 PM, Anonymous Josh said...

Yeah, you sound pretty cool. So fuck any guy who is making you unhappy. And then move on because that is what he will do.

P.S. Thanks for doing your part to save arrested development!


At June 19, 2005 at 3:05 PM, Blogger Micah said...

*backs slowly away from computer*

Not to sound like Sensitive Pony Tail Guy, but not everyone in my gender acts that way or condones that sort of behavior. Personally, I abhor cheating (feelings which I'm sure stem from my parents' history). Of course, I've never been tested in that regard. As Chris Rock says, you're only as faithful as your options. But I'd like to think that I'd "love the one I'm with."

It's been my general observation that women go for the hot guys (duh). Said hot guys are usually assholes. Women feel they can change them; they look at it like a project. Largely, men cannot be changed. Women bitch about it, then move on to the next pretty boy date rapist asshole. Rinse. Repeat. (This is not to excuse male behavior, but to demonstrate it's a two way street.) In high school, I absoultely hated playing the role of the strong shoulder my cheerleader-calibur female friends would cry on when they would be mistreated by (and subsequently return to) their jerk boyfriends.

Oh, and we men are indeed simple.

I'm just stating these things so maybe - just maybe - that your legions of hottie female readers give us average Joes a chance today. Otherwise, when we attain financial security while we push middle age, instead of pursuing the attractive-for-a-35-year-old woman who now sees stability as a desireable trait, we'll just chase after the cute 21 year old temp our company just hired. After all, y'all had your chance and we want this year's model. (or maybe not)

Attractive women, though...that's a whole 'nother story.

Whew! So, chin up. Focus on the bar. Pass it. Make the big bucks and stick with paid escorts. Or the whole lesbian works, too. Personally, I prefer the lipstick lesbian thing (they do exist!), but it's your life. :)

If you want a laugh, there's a picture of me in a cowboy hat at my blog.

At June 19, 2005 at 4:13 PM, Blogger The Law Fairy said...

Josh -- thanks for the compliment. Moving on is indeed important; I'm a big fan :) AD rules!!

Micah -- well, as a good lawyer-to-be, let it be said that I did warn you (in tortspeak that's assumption of risk)!! ;) Obviously, not all guys are assholes. I've met plenty of decent ones in my life. As cruel fate would have it, though, if I've dated any of them it's been far too brief. Obviously, neither men *nor* women are perfect. Or relationship-savvy. Sigh.

And I would just like to point out that as a cute 23-year-old, I'm doing fairly well for myself on the financial security front, TYVM :)

And the lesbian thing is just something I say when I'm really pissed off. I'm feeling a lot better now that I've vented.

At June 19, 2005 at 9:19 PM, Blogger Micah said...

Don't get me started on assumption of the risk. That notion seems to erode more and more each day in this country and we are worse for it. But I digress...

Glad you feel better now. Venting felt good for me, too. :)

At June 20, 2005 at 4:46 PM, Blogger The Law Fairy said...

hmmm. I dunno, I'm all for having less legal rules to learn. But then, my perspective is severely bounded at the moment :)

Hooray for venting! Sometimes the feminist in me just needs out to play for a bit. I try to be nice to all of my personalities.

At June 21, 2005 at 11:31 AM, Blogger Eh Nonymous said...

Dear Fairy,

I too find your uname to be hilarious.

On the Sensitive Pony Tail guy front:

feminism, hating Boy Who Pissed You Off for doing so, despising thoughtless men, and going lesbian are not, in fact, all coequal.

I, for example, am a feminist, sneer in the general direction of Boy Who, despise thoughtless men for making the rest of us look bad _and as a consequence_ making it harder for us to (have a good time, pretend that we're all saints, get people to trust us, have faith in the male of the species: take your pick). However, I am not a lesbian, except insofar as straight men are lesbians trapped in etc.

Glad to see from the followup post that it didn't last long. The world needs more Sexy Librarian Glasses.

As to gaining weight and getting your hair cut short, please be aware that this will not necessarily dissuade men from hitting on you.

That is all.


At June 21, 2005 at 8:23 PM, Blogger The Law Fairy said...

Thanks, eh! I enjoy making people laugh, especially when they are me, and my "name" makes me laugh :)

I agree that all the things in my post are not co-equal -- so let me never be accused of redundancy! I do think they're all related, though. And if straight men are really just lesbians trapped, &c., then I suppose Dr. Kinsey was right after all.

And I would just like to point out that I get hit on more often in my contacts than in my Sexy Librarian Glasses. I'm just sayin'.

At June 22, 2005 at 8:41 AM, Blogger Micah said...

And I would just like to point out that I get hit on more often in my contacts than in my Sexy Librarian Glasses. I'm just sayin'.

But it's quality, not quantity. :)


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