Well, the administration has surprised me and actually gotten out the graduation list, before graduation! I'm not sure if there were any names missing from the list -- I sure hope not. Congratulations to everyone who made it! All of my close friends were on it, at least, so I'm happy. Most important of all, my name made it! I'm actually graduating!
I'm trying not to be overly depressed about not getting honors, particularly since JCA did, which makes me incredibly happy and proud (she deserved it probably more than just about anyone at the school. I can't even imagine what it must be like to work as hard as she does). I will say, though, that it bothered me a lot more than it thought I would. Which sucks -- I really thought (hoped?) I had moved past this juvenile competitive shit. But apparently I haven't -- which, unless I find a way to deal with it, could leave me set up for a lifetime of misery. Sigh. For disgustingly Type-A folks like myself, any kind of perceived failure is tough to take, and I'm among the worst culprits here. Hey, cut my mopey immaturity some slack -- I am a Cancer, after all (which also sucks, because my birthday hits just a week and a half before the Bar exam. What a great birthday present!).
I suppose the bright point of this is that it helps me miss school less, as much as I'd love to be a professional student. Every time something like this happens, I remember how disgusted I am with the artificial evaluative bullshit and constant competition that plagues our fucked-up society, particularly in the higher echelons (and some wonder why they say money can't buy happiness). Yes, I get that I have a choice whether or not to buy into this. But in some sense it's kind of hard-wired into my personality. I am who I am, no matter how much I want to change it. But who knows, maybe if I go through a few years of therapy I'll get better :)
So, we'll focus on the positive. In two days, I will have a law degree from a kickass law school. My family is flying out to come to the ceremony and we're going to dinner at a great area restaurant. I have a fantabulous job lined up, in Los Angeles no less! And, completely unrelated but also incredibly important, I can crunch 70 pounds 60 times in less than three minutes. Awwww yeah. Life is pretty damn good after all.