Monday, January 02, 2006

I am going to kill my neighbor

I understand that the subject of this post could be quite damning indeed if my neighbor turns up dead in the morning. Right now, though, I don't even care because I would probably sleep better in prison.

My retarded neighbor is playing some kind of psychotic New Age techno music at some insane hearing-damage level. At first I tried to ignore it. Then I tried stomping around my apartment LOUDLY (I'm upstairs; this person is downstairs) -- and keep in mind I'm generally a quiet walker. I don't even slam the doors like my next-door neighbors do at whatever hour they happen to come home at night or leave in the morning.

And, I have to say, I've been a pretty good neighbor. I'm a generally friendly person. And I invited all my neighbors to my holiday party a few weeks ago (my landlord came and one of my neighbors called to say he couldn't make it). I've only had someone, er, spend the night a couple times, and generally not, oh, the NIGHT BEFORE THE DAY EVERYONE HAS TO GO BACK TO WORK AFTER THE HOLIDAYS. And anyway your neighbors can't masturbate to psychotic music unless they're seriously fucked up. I'm just sayin'.

Since I can't sleep I'm going to play DDR, on full blast, and stomp the hell down onto the dance pad. That way I kill two birds with one stone: I annoy the fuck out of my retarded inconsiderate neighbor AND I make up for the fact that there's no way I'll be able to make it to the gym now in the morning (good thing my personal trainer is out of town, because I have to pay for those sessions whether I make them or not).

If that doesn't work I'm totally putting Star Wars or Jurassic Park or something on full blast.

God, my stupid neighbor is retarded.



At January 8, 2006 at 9:29 AM, Blogger Micah said...

Sounds like a plan.


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