Shudder

So I'm a bit bored at work (I guess something about me not being licensed yet makes them reluctant to give me tons and tons of work -- weirdos) and I've been browsing through some of my old posts from this summer. As I've done so, I've been reliving the horrid madness that was barbri and pre-exam stress (incidentally, this is just reinforcing how very badly I want to have passed). I've also realized that barbri, like any cram method, hasn't taught me much in the way of lasting knowledge. I remember thinking during barbri, "gosh! This is all so much simpler and straightforward than 1L year! Torts actually makes sense!" (Those of you who did not have my torts professor are probably scratching your heads, wondering how someone could go through three years of law school and never "get" torts. You're wondering this because you had torts professors who taught Torts. I had a torts professor who taught Economics and Rational Game Theory. Which really ought to be an upper level elective instead). And now I seriously can't remember a thing from barbri. I mean, maybe one or two of those weird mnemonic devices, but that's about it.

So, reading through the horrible old posts reminded me that last week I had my first nightmare since the bar exam. It was brought on by an episode of Grey's Anatomy I had TiVo'd.

SPOILER OF LAST WEEK'S EPISODE (NOT LAST NIGHT'S)

Alex, the medical intern everyone loves to hate, receives news that he has failed his medical boards. He's told not to worry, since he can keep his job and the hospital will continue to pay him and give him time to study, and he can retake it in four months. If he fails again, though, he's out.

I literally got chills. I'm sure every recent California law grad also got chills. Evilest. Storyline. Ever.

I've also learned that the California Bar's website has a countdown until the release of results. Sadistic bastards.

So, I'm going back to my policy of not thinking about it. Because thinking about it just gives me a yucky feeling, right there in the pit of my stomach. Yuck, yuck, yuck.