Will Ferrell meets Pyramid Head

The few video game nerds who read my blog might appreciate this.



HT: my brother

The Secretx8

Okay, Andy tagged me, so I guess I need to do this. I'm supposed to tell you eight secret-type things about myself. I say "secret-type" because I don't tell real secrets. Seriously, I'm like the best secret-keeper ever. People tell me their secrets all the time and I've never told them to anyone. And that's only SOMETIMES because when they told me the secret I was drunk and now I just plain can't remember it.

Actually, now that I think about it, I think I've done this one before. Oh well. I'll try not to repeat myself.

1. I've never seen any of the Godfather movies. Worse still, I once tried watching the first one, and I found it boring so I stopped watching it. So there you have it. Go ahead and throw your stones at the computer screen, or whatever.

2. Along the movie lines, I hate romantic comedies. Sorry. I just do. There's seriously like four plots floating around out there, and I've seen all of them about a dozen times each. That's more than enough.

3. In a remarkable stroke of immaturity/inability to move beyond the past, there are a few things about law school that, to this day, still make me irrationally bitter and angry.

4. I'm a very nice drunk. This actually isn't much of a secret, considering how many people have seen me drunk.

5. I have friends who still think I'm a virgin (it happens when you grow up in God City, USA). I remember being back home a couple years ago and having dinner with a few friends from back in the day, one of whom had recently gotten married. He was telling us the story of how he and his wife met and ended up getting married, etc. At one point the other two friends were engaged in a side conversation, and he leaned in and whispered to me: "Sex is great. Seriously, it was so worth waiting" and gave me a knowing look. I just smiled at him and thought "awww, that's so cute."

6. I went to my first sci-fi convention-type event last month. I've been a total sci-fi nerd/geek (although I cannot get a handle on which one is the correct word) for more than half my life now, so I guess it was about time. It was pretty cool, actually, and really more of a wading pool in the water park of sci-fi gatherings. It was billed as an "all-access" event that I think was essentially a pre-Emmy publicity event to which they opted to invite plain old fans as well as the press. Pretty awesome of them, actually. The coolest part? I got to shake hands with the great Edward James Olmos.



7. I have an escape plan for when the zombies attack. Mark my words, they are coming.

8. One night when I was waiting tables in college, one of my professors came into the restaurant on a date with another professor. I was totally oblivious and figured, oh, they're just two colleagues having a drink together. Apparently either I'm an idiot or my professor had verbal diarrhea, because he stopped me at one point while I was walking past and gave the creepiest speech I've ever heard to justify the fact that, unbeknownst to me, I'd just caught him with the woman who was currently breaking up his marriage, which was not yet finally dissolved. Yeah... I so needed to know that.

I would tag people, but I've been so bad about blogging that I'm not even sure who bothers checking this thing anymore. So -- if you read my blog, and haven't already done this one, consider yourself tagged. And please leave me a comment letting me know you're doing it, so I can hop over and take a look at your deep dark secrets ;)

This post is actually important

Taking a brief break from my usual snark and cynicism.

There's a little girl in North Carolina named Emma. She's three and a half, adorable and sunny and precocious. Her mom, Jamie, was abandoned by a total louse of a husband a short while ago, but Jamie and Emma and have found comfort and strength in each other.

I'm sad to report that Emma is very, very ill. The two of them returned from a vacation and Emma was having seizures and quickly developed a fever that was unresponsive to the Tylenol and Motrin prescribed by doctors. Emma has lapsed into a coma and they're still not one hundred percent sure what is causing it, but they suspect encephalitis. They're worried that even if she recovers there may be brain damage.

I know Jamie through a friend who has asked me to pray for her, which I'm doing. I thought I would pass along her story in case any of you are the praying type. Whatever prayers or good thoughts you can send their way, I'm sure Jamie and Emma will appreciate it very much.

This explains so much

Text message conversation with Mom tonight:

Me: Bleargh

Mom: You don't say.

Me: I do. I might die from stress tonight. Make sure everyone says nice things about me at my funeral.

Mom: You can count on me.