The strike

You know, I have to say -- the strike support videos that have been going up on YouTube and other places are a lot more entertaining than like, I dunno, 70%, 80% of what's actually on TV (and with all the reality shows in store for us, we can expect it all to go downhill from here).

Anyway, here's one I thought was pretty funny. It's by the Daily Show writers.



Incidentally, and I have probably asked this before, am I the only one with a huge crush on John Oliver?

Quiet! A whale is in trouble -- I have to go!

What a difference seven years can make.

Last night was one of the best episodes of 30 Rock yet -- due in no small part to a distinguished guest star (who has also previously lent his voice to Futurama, with a repeat performance in the upcoming movie).

Of course, I could've told you that he was cool deep down, decades ago. He and I go way back.

Woo Hoo!

The Simpsons starting out the season with Stephen Colbert is a very good sign.

Also, Oreo dessert pizza?????

In which our intrepid blogger streams her consciousness

My POS computer broke. I got back from vacation this week and it worked for two hours, then it stopped working. I thought this was strange but figured it was one of the computer's many stubborn brain farts and turned it off, waited a few minutes, and turned it on again. But then Windows wouldn't start. Turns out the hard drive is broken. This is not the first time this has happened to me. My POS laptop (which I have roused from hibernation to satiate my internet addiction) did the exact same thing toward the beginning of my 3L year. I have to admit, that time was worse than this time; I had class notes on my laptop, which were irreplaceable if they were lost. I called Dell and was informed that the only way to retrieve my data was to send the hard drive to a data recovery service who would charge me $2,000 to get my data. I almost cried out of frustration and rage. I did not take Dell up on its extortionist suggestion. Instead, I took the hard drive home with me over Thanksgiving break. Dad asked a computer-savvy acquaintance to see what could be done and he was able to get the data off with almost no problem whatsoever. I know for a fact it cost nowhere in the same universe as 2K. Dell assholes.

Anyway, fortunately my computer is still covered by the Best Buy service plan I wisely invested in when I bought it almost two years ago. I took it in to the Geek Squad and the repairs will all be free. The data recovery, however, is another story. And, yes, I do have an external hard drive and, yes, I *did* try to back up my files, but at some point the POS computer, which *Best Buy* sold me, stopped recognizing the external hard drive, no matter how many times I tried to reinstall it. Notwithstanding any of the foregoing, Best Buy's philistine policy is not to cover data recovery under its service plans. Even though data recovery is likely the least expensive of the services it could provide, it's also the most lucrative. People will pay ridiculous amounts of money to recover lost data. A computer's just a computer. But pictures, movies, important documents -- these are priceless. I braced myself for a number that would set off a conniption fit, and was pleasantly surprised when informed it would cost only $160. The Geek Squad employee cautioned that there was a chance they could not recover the data, in which case I would still be charged $60 for the attempt. Well, these are amounts I am willing to fork over for pictures of my dead dog and music and videos I would otherwise have to convince Apple to re-send to me, which would take hours upon hours upon hours. So I gladly agreed as the employee assured me that, given that he was able to access the setup screen, it was quite likely that the data was recoverable.

So you can imagine my chagrin when Best Buy called me yesterday to explain they were unable to recover the data -- OH, but if I wanted, I could send it to a Geek Squad group in Santa Monica who had "better software" that would probably be able to get the data that the store I'd gone to "couldn't"! Well, how much would that cost? At least $500, and possibly $1600, if my hard drive is damaged badly enough.

I smell a scam. I wonder how many other people are told that Best Buy local is "unable" to recover data (after getting the nonrefundable $60 deposit) and directed to the more expensive store?

Fuck you, Best Buy. I am asking my computer genius friend to see what he can do, and HE'LL get my data for beer and pizza (actually, he'd do it for free, but I'm happy to buy him the beer and pizza for his trouble). Lying cheating asshole bastard extortionists.

On a lighter note, apparently I am a man. According to SparkLife's gender test, that is. Now, I've scored "man" every time I have taken their test (and, no, I didn't memorize the test and intentionally try to score "man." I couldn't even remember the questions, and I think some of them have probably changed). But when recording my score, I was informed that this new score was even MORE manly than my previous score. In other words, it appears that being a practicing attorney for two years has made me more "manly," or has made me think more "like a man," or something. Very, very interesting.

Also interesting: perusing my archives, I see that I used to be a much better, much more entertaining writer before I stopped having a life. I'm not positing a link, I am just drawing attention to two things I noticed today. This one makes me very, very sad.

Finally, I've learned that I have some important decisions to make in the next year, and I'm completely at a loss as to how to make them. So, those of you who are the praying type, prayers are appreciated.

Will Ferrell meets Pyramid Head

The few video game nerds who read my blog might appreciate this.



HT: my brother

The Secretx8

Okay, Andy tagged me, so I guess I need to do this. I'm supposed to tell you eight secret-type things about myself. I say "secret-type" because I don't tell real secrets. Seriously, I'm like the best secret-keeper ever. People tell me their secrets all the time and I've never told them to anyone. And that's only SOMETIMES because when they told me the secret I was drunk and now I just plain can't remember it.

Actually, now that I think about it, I think I've done this one before. Oh well. I'll try not to repeat myself.

1. I've never seen any of the Godfather movies. Worse still, I once tried watching the first one, and I found it boring so I stopped watching it. So there you have it. Go ahead and throw your stones at the computer screen, or whatever.

2. Along the movie lines, I hate romantic comedies. Sorry. I just do. There's seriously like four plots floating around out there, and I've seen all of them about a dozen times each. That's more than enough.

3. In a remarkable stroke of immaturity/inability to move beyond the past, there are a few things about law school that, to this day, still make me irrationally bitter and angry.

4. I'm a very nice drunk. This actually isn't much of a secret, considering how many people have seen me drunk.

5. I have friends who still think I'm a virgin (it happens when you grow up in God City, USA). I remember being back home a couple years ago and having dinner with a few friends from back in the day, one of whom had recently gotten married. He was telling us the story of how he and his wife met and ended up getting married, etc. At one point the other two friends were engaged in a side conversation, and he leaned in and whispered to me: "Sex is great. Seriously, it was so worth waiting" and gave me a knowing look. I just smiled at him and thought "awww, that's so cute."

6. I went to my first sci-fi convention-type event last month. I've been a total sci-fi nerd/geek (although I cannot get a handle on which one is the correct word) for more than half my life now, so I guess it was about time. It was pretty cool, actually, and really more of a wading pool in the water park of sci-fi gatherings. It was billed as an "all-access" event that I think was essentially a pre-Emmy publicity event to which they opted to invite plain old fans as well as the press. Pretty awesome of them, actually. The coolest part? I got to shake hands with the great Edward James Olmos.



7. I have an escape plan for when the zombies attack. Mark my words, they are coming.

8. One night when I was waiting tables in college, one of my professors came into the restaurant on a date with another professor. I was totally oblivious and figured, oh, they're just two colleagues having a drink together. Apparently either I'm an idiot or my professor had verbal diarrhea, because he stopped me at one point while I was walking past and gave the creepiest speech I've ever heard to justify the fact that, unbeknownst to me, I'd just caught him with the woman who was currently breaking up his marriage, which was not yet finally dissolved. Yeah... I so needed to know that.

I would tag people, but I've been so bad about blogging that I'm not even sure who bothers checking this thing anymore. So -- if you read my blog, and haven't already done this one, consider yourself tagged. And please leave me a comment letting me know you're doing it, so I can hop over and take a look at your deep dark secrets ;)

This explains so much

Text message conversation with Mom tonight:

Me: Bleargh

Mom: You don't say.

Me: I do. I might die from stress tonight. Make sure everyone says nice things about me at my funeral.

Mom: You can count on me.

On a happier note

Following a fit of creativity (i.e., copycatting), I present my latest creation: lolcujo.

Okay, this was pretty cute

Seen driving to church:



I was amused.

Only like the coolest thing EVER

Steven Seagal has an energy drink.

The world seems just a little brighter.

Fear not, fellow Man-Haters(TM)!

Your Man-HatingTM Queen has returned for more Hatin' on Teh Menz!

I just got back from an awesome nine-day-long rest-and-relaxation visit back home Man-HatingTM Spree!

My first act of Man-HatingTM involved staying up late to chat with my mom and dad a patriarchal asswipe with whom she conceived me, though I usually pretend not to know him it. It sure was fun, filling them in on the details of how I'm doing exciting work in the career I've worked hard to succeed in because I'm ambitious and driven and would ultimately, someday, like to achieve some good in the world I Hate MenTM!!

This was followed up later in the week with a massage selfish Man-HatingTM act of slut-tastic relaxation in which I allowed someone not my husband to touch my body in a manner that pleased me. Then Mom and I met up with one of my old college professors for dinner Hated MenTM by purchasing food, for ourselves, with money we made working Man-HatingTM jobs. We also made sure to tart it up like the slutty little Man-HatersTM we are by wearing bright, attractive clothing.

I also spent some time hanging out with my brother watching Season 2 of my latest TV obsession, Battlestar Galactica plotting ways to overtake the man-pigs in my "family" and turn them into my man-slaves, as is the secret ambition of all Man-HatersTM like myself.

Of course, I also attended services at the church where I was confirmed six years ago, because even though I may not always agree with the rector's politics, I respect and like him and many other members of the church, and I think that my common faith with them can in many circumstances (e.g., Sunday services) transcend our real and important differences plotted the subversion and ultimate destruction of Christianity because I Hate MenTM, and God is a man, so I hate God.

The highlight of my trip was getting to visit with my sister, a fellow Man-Hating FeminaziTM, and meeting her new boyfriend, with whom she's planning a trip to visit me next month oblivious soon-to-be man-slave.

So, sorry for the break from the Man-HatingTM you've all come to expect from me. I promise it will be back in full force shortly!

* I felt it was time for a post where I came out and admitted, for reals, how much I really, truly, deeply Hate MenTM. I realized that some of my posts might have been a little ambiguous on the whole Man-HatingTM thing. I mean, in some of my posts it actually looks like I favor rights for gay men, when clearly really I only say these things as a great big "fuck you" to ALL men. And in some of my posts it even looks like I get along with the men pigs in my family, which is total bullshit. The only reason I ever spend time with them is in the hopes that one day I'll have the chance to hurt them, deeply and permanently. Everyone knows I'm a big ol' Man-HaterTM with a capital F! As are all women with the gall to demand basic respect and equality.

** See? Feminists make jokes, too!

He can't be serious

Now Senator Brownback is jumping on the gay-bashing bandwagon:

"I believe that homosexual acts between individuals are immoral and that we should not condone immoral acts. I do not believe the United States is well-served by a policy that says it is OK to be immoral in any way."

Hmmm.

OK to be immoral in any way.

Well, play along with me for a second here, Sammy.

You're a good Christian, right? Remember that part of the Bible where Jesus says that all the law and the prophets can be boiled down into two commandments: love God and love your neighbor? Remember? Let me help you out: it's right here.

I mean, I could be real nitpicky and point out that he doesn't say anything about who has sex with whom right there. But, hell. For shits and giggles let's pretend that Matthew was secretly gay so he left that part out (thank goodness our good buddy Saul/Paul came along, huh? You know, the one who was super good at just plain loving everyone).

Let's just focus on the horrible things our country is doing, hmm? I mean. America is so messed up. We've got these crazy laws like The First Amendment that let you do things like not love God and not love your neighbor.

Dude. We can't let this go on any longer. We need to defend morality in this Godless wasteland of a country!! Down with the First Amendment!!! Hell, down with all of them!!! We need to get this country back on track! No more of this personal space bullshit! The theocratic commune has to take hold, NOW. TODAY. We cannot tolerate immorality in our country any longer!

If we do, the terrorists have already won.

Because THAT'S what we need

McDonald's has a new burger: the Third Pounder.

That's right. Their genius execucrats decided that too many people were starting to get healthy, dieting and exercising, and lowering their cholesterol, so they've unleashed obesity's latest weapon in the War On Humanity. The 740-calorie Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese apparently wasn't sufficiently artery-clogging.

This kinda makes me wanna run home and play DDR to flush the fat-karma from my brain. And yet I've got this stuck in my head:

Excuse me sir, I think I smell my friend's beard

I might be the only person who finds this funny, but I can laugh enough for all of us.



Bonus points if you can place the quote.

Update: Blogger, who SUCKS, apparently has issues with consistently showing YouTube videos properly embedded. Fuck you, Blogger.

Here's the link to the awesome vid if stupid Blogger is drawing you a blank.

We can all breathe easy now

Ted Haggard is CURED!!!!

Now excuse me while I go vomit.

::smirk::

I just can't help but laugh at this.

The masterful Stephen Colbert and his oafish muse, Bill O'Reilly, are appearing on each other's shows. Ohhhh, this is delicious.

I think this part is my favorite:

"I'm really looking forward to speaking to a man who owes his entire career to me," O'Reilly said.

::hooting laughter::

Yes, Bill, it has nothing to do with Stephen's remarkable talent of making fun of people to their faces with them not being a hundred percent sure he's doing it. Nope, it's all you, buddy. And don't you worry about that monster ego of yours getting crushed when the two of you go face-to-face. I have absolute confidence that you're oblivious enough that you won't even realize how brilliantly he's insulting you.

Oh man. I cannot wait to see Billy boy taken down a peg or seventy.

Who is this "smenita" person

and why is her name the verification word for every comment I've posted today?

Seriously. Is she haunting anyone else?

Well, I could've told you that

Apparently some Hall of Famer owes over a million in back taxes.

Come on, people. He has a handlebar moustache. Nothing screams "crook!" like a handlebar moustache.

Seriously, you'd think these people had never seen a movie made before, uh, 1930.

Bruce Willis owes me 120 bucks, a new carpet, and therapy for my dog

I hope you're paying attention, Bruce.

Why? Let me start at the beginning.

Two weeks ago I adopted the sweetest little puppy in California. He's some kind of mutt (likely a dachsund/corgi mix with probably something else in there too -- maybe chihuahua, since he's pretty small?) and has a beautiful short black coat. He has this precious little underbite and the sweetest personality. He follows me around everywhere I go and he loves to snuggle. I've named him Cujo.

Now, Cujo did not come to me straight from his mom and dad. Rather, a woman found him wandering the street and brought him to someone who tries to find homes for rescued dogs. I cannot fathom why someone would abandon little Cujo, but they did, and frankly, I'm the luckier for it.

As a result of this, though, Cujo has some separation anxiety. He's generally done well while I'm gone -- he'll whine at the door for a few minutes and then just sleep until I get home (at least, as far as I can tell). I've left him for up to four hours and he's been fine -- no chewing, no accidents in the apartment, etc.

Saturday night my friend had a party to celebrate passing the bar (congrats Andrew!!), and he lives down in Irvine. I headed to the party, thinking I'd hang out for a few hours, probably three at the most, and then head home -- so with driving time of roughly 45 minutes each way factored in, that would put me at about 4 and a half hours, and I knew Cujo could handle that.

And I imagine he would have, had Bruce Willis not SHUT DOWN THE FUCKING 405 TO FILM HIS STUPID MOVIE. The article linked to doesn't specifically say that he's shutting down the 405, but I can't imagine why else they were siphoning off every single car near the airport, even though all four lanes of traffic were completely clear of any accidents, construction, or other *real* reasons to close the busiest freeway in Southern California.

It literally took 45 minutes to move a single half mile. One fucking half mile.

By the time I got home, poor Cujo had had a panic attack. I'd been gone for nearly six hours. He was probably worried he'd never see me again. The POOR BABY. It's going to take forever now to train him out of his separation anxiety.

And as if that wasn't enough, Cujo tore up the carpet next to my door. Literally pulled the carpet away from the floor and chewed it up. I don't think it will cost much more than a hundred bucks or so to replace (once I work up the courage to call my landlord and tell him what happened), but still, it's gonna be a pain in the butt to deal with.

And for the time being, I've bought a kennel to crate him in while I'm gone so that he can't cause any more damage (I've also heard that smaller dogs sometimes prefer closed-in spaces, because they make them feel safe and protected). He hung out in there for a bit last night and seems to like it pretty well, so hopefully this will kill two birds with one stone -- his separation anxiety and my worry of having to replace everything in the apartment. But the damn kennel cost 120 bucks. Jeesh, I seem to remember those things being lots cheaper when my parents got one for my dog back home.

So anyway. None of this would have happened if it weren't for you, Bruce Willis. So pay up.

Toldja

As I said, the joke's on us:

"The joke is not on Kazakhstan," he said. "I think the joke is on people who can believe that the Kazakhstan that I describe can exist -- who believe that there's a country where homosexuals wear blue hats and the women live in cages and they drink fermented horse urine."