A friend's recent male-related troubles
have given me pause and gotten me reflecting on my own
Boy I Was Dating Last Year has recently started IMing me again. He did this once before but it quickly became apparent he was seeking sex, so I excused myself from the conversation and made it clear I had no interest in such advances. Recently he says he'd like to be friends, and he's not looking for anything more.
For some inexplicable reason, I want to try to be friends with him if I can. I don't really know why... looking back on our "relationship" I actually think I don't like him too very much anyway. He's vaguely sexist (as most men are -- no offense guys, but you just are. Those of you who at least try to work on it get minor kudos). He's lazy. He has a weird laugh. He's a little deluded/full of himself (which, in fairness, you kind of have to be if you're a struggling "actor"). And on more than one occasion while we were dating, he disrespected my religious beliefs. Frankly, I should have dumped him long before I did. But, I guess we all do stupid things when we're dating. I imagine my desire to be friends with him stems from the fact that it's a challenge. The closest I've come to being friends with an "ex" is being vaguely friendly with a guy I went on about two or three dates with in law school. So it very well could be that I just want to prove to myself that I Can Do It. But I can't help but begin to think that this guy might be the wrong one to attempt this with.
Anyway, I agreed that this weekend we could meet for coffee. He suggested watching the football game together (he remembered my favorite team... this worries me). I said no, we would stick with coffee.
I asked if he still had my number and he said he didn't. Another red flag... it means either he was hurt when we broke up (which leads to a complicated post-relationship-friendship), or he's lying (which is bad for obvious reasons).
The hattrick? As he was signing off of IM, he said "bye bye sugar pie." I quickly responded with a "???" and rather than answer, he signed off.
Ohhhh, this was not a good idea.
He called yesterday afternoon while I was in an exhausted stupor from throwing a party the night before and cleaning up afterwards, which is no simple task. I was awake enough to answer the phone, but I knew it was him and opted not to. He, quick on his feet, left a message saying he could no longer do coffee that day because he had suddenly gotten busy, but I should call him back if I wanted to meet up with him before I left for Christmas vacation.
All signs point to "don't speak to him again." I don't want to be a bitch, but... I don't want to be an idiot, either. It's obvious he doesn't want to be my friend. Frankly, I'm not sure if I want to be his, either. But I know I definitely don't want to be anything else to him.
Sigh... I really really wish girls weren't socialized to be so damn nice. If we weren't, this really would not be a difficult situation for me At All.
Labels: Angry Rants, Sexism