Where brain go?

In case you hadn't noticed, I have a killer case of writer's block.

Hopefully I will think of something interesting to post soon.

Maybe I'll put up a YouTube video of Cujo acting crazy. That dog does some hilarious shit.

Wimmins beware!

I can't really call this gloating, because I'm fucking pissed.*

But for what it's worth, I called it.

* Symbolically. I won't pretend to understand the medical mechanics of this particular procedure, which admittedly sounds pretty nasty -- although I did see someone on another blog remark that pretty much every woman who does this, does it because her doctor informs her she needs to for her health, and many (most?) of these women wanted the babies, and some would like an intact corpse to say goodbye to (in addition to the fact that it appears this procedure is sometimes safer for women than the alternatives). Interesting perspective. Anyway, putting all that aside, I've come to the conclusion that the primary reason for this legislation was to chip away at women's rights. And I am simply NOT okay with that, for reasons that ought to be more obvious than the sun.

Oh come on

Chicago beat Los Angeles for the US 2016 Olympic bid??? Are you frakking kidding me???

Don't get me wrong -- I love Chicago. I loved living there, I love the city, I love visiting whenever I get the chance. But it's a terrible choice for the summer Olympics. Especially when Los Angeles was in the running.

Seriously, people. Such a bad decision. Chicago is miserable and muggy and gross and disgusting in the summer. I remember how horrible it was just walking a block to the grocery store -- the humidity would bloat me so much I could barely fit into my clothes some days. It was so humid and miserable on my graduation day it nearly killed me.

They actually think athletes are going to perform at the top of their game in that kind of weather? Come on. Those people will melt in the sun. It will be the most boring Olympics ever. Here in Los Angeles, we have those awesome Santa Ana winds to cool you off, not to mention our dry, deserty lack of moisture. A much better choice for summer Olympics.

Sorry, Chicago. You're right in so many other ways, but you and the Olympics were not meant to be together.

Random pet peeve of the day

People who call me at an hour when I'm clearly at work.

In case you were wondering, no, your random "hey, how's it going? Just wanted to chat" call is not important enough to interrupt work.

Um. Although blogging occasionally is :0)

Spring cleaning

My life is a mess.

Meaning literally. Not figuratively.

Old mail and other papers (hopefully none of it important) is strewn all over my apartment. On my computer desk, on the hall table, on the kitchen counter, on my vanity, on my nightstand. Clean laundry folded but not properly put away. Dirty laundry just sitting there, and me too lazy to get off my ass and clean it. Random bits of dirt in the carpet (don't even want to THINK how long it's been since I vacuumed). Clothes that won't fit in my closet (and a closet with a broken bar for hanging clothes). A. Mess.

So for probably the first time ever, I'm really, REALLY motivated to clean. Not just the, make-everything-shiny-and-hide-the-shit-you-can't-get-rid-of clean. Actual, go-through-my-stuff-and-really-get-rid-of-the-shit-I-don't-need clean. I'm really gonna do it.

To motivate myself, I've taken "before" photos of everything ("after" photos to be taken later). If I'm feeling brave, I might post them after this weeks-long ordeal is finished. For now, leave it to your imaginations what a pigsty my apartment must be.

As part of my "cleaning" I'm also trying to "clean up" physically. Since law school I really let myself go... gained some weight, exercised less and less, started eating crap again. Well, no more. I'm going to try to get to the gym for at least a half an hour, at least four times a week. So far I'm ahead for this week, but the real question is whether I can keep this motivation going long enough to get in shape for binikni season*!

*Yes, binikni. It's the latest trend, see:

Fuck you, Steve Jobs

Look.

All I'm saying is, there's nothing wrong or illegal or troubling about me wanting to watch season 3 of Battlestar Galactica from the comfort of my couch, on my actual TV, rather than hunched in front of my computer.

And yet iTunes, in its wisdom, has decided to make it impossible for people who spend hundreds of dollars a year on Apple products to actually enjoy those products in any manner that doesn't involve, um, purchasing more Apple products. Or something.

It's really fucked up that you won't let me watch something I purchased from you unless I do it your way. Twenty-something years ago people like you tried to ban VCRs, and you all got a resounding bitch-slap from the Supreme Court (back in the days when it worked right).

I'm not going to buy a damn video iPod for the sole purpose of hooking it up to my TV so I can watch a show I've already bought. And when you, Google, and China take over the world, I'll still hate you.

Thank God for my laptop. I don't get the TV part, but at least I can have the couch. Asshole.

Fear not, fellow Man-Haters(TM)!

Your Man-HatingTM Queen has returned for more Hatin' on Teh Menz!

I just got back from an awesome nine-day-long rest-and-relaxation visit back home Man-HatingTM Spree!

My first act of Man-HatingTM involved staying up late to chat with my mom and dad a patriarchal asswipe with whom she conceived me, though I usually pretend not to know him it. It sure was fun, filling them in on the details of how I'm doing exciting work in the career I've worked hard to succeed in because I'm ambitious and driven and would ultimately, someday, like to achieve some good in the world I Hate MenTM!!

This was followed up later in the week with a massage selfish Man-HatingTM act of slut-tastic relaxation in which I allowed someone not my husband to touch my body in a manner that pleased me. Then Mom and I met up with one of my old college professors for dinner Hated MenTM by purchasing food, for ourselves, with money we made working Man-HatingTM jobs. We also made sure to tart it up like the slutty little Man-HatersTM we are by wearing bright, attractive clothing.

I also spent some time hanging out with my brother watching Season 2 of my latest TV obsession, Battlestar Galactica plotting ways to overtake the man-pigs in my "family" and turn them into my man-slaves, as is the secret ambition of all Man-HatersTM like myself.

Of course, I also attended services at the church where I was confirmed six years ago, because even though I may not always agree with the rector's politics, I respect and like him and many other members of the church, and I think that my common faith with them can in many circumstances (e.g., Sunday services) transcend our real and important differences plotted the subversion and ultimate destruction of Christianity because I Hate MenTM, and God is a man, so I hate God.

The highlight of my trip was getting to visit with my sister, a fellow Man-Hating FeminaziTM, and meeting her new boyfriend, with whom she's planning a trip to visit me next month oblivious soon-to-be man-slave.

So, sorry for the break from the Man-HatingTM you've all come to expect from me. I promise it will be back in full force shortly!

* I felt it was time for a post where I came out and admitted, for reals, how much I really, truly, deeply Hate MenTM. I realized that some of my posts might have been a little ambiguous on the whole Man-HatingTM thing. I mean, in some of my posts it actually looks like I favor rights for gay men, when clearly really I only say these things as a great big "fuck you" to ALL men. And in some of my posts it even looks like I get along with the men pigs in my family, which is total bullshit. The only reason I ever spend time with them is in the hopes that one day I'll have the chance to hurt them, deeply and permanently. Everyone knows I'm a big ol' Man-HaterTM with a capital F! As are all women with the gall to demand basic respect and equality.

** See? Feminists make jokes, too!