Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Gandalf the Black?

As if we needed further proof that dogs freaking RULE.

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Friday, March 16, 2007

He can't be serious

Now Senator Brownback is jumping on the gay-bashing bandwagon:

"I believe that homosexual acts between individuals are immoral and that we should not condone immoral acts. I do not believe the United States is well-served by a policy that says it is OK to be immoral in any way."


OK to be immoral in any way.

Well, play along with me for a second here, Sammy.

You're a good Christian, right? Remember that part of the Bible where Jesus says that all the law and the prophets can be boiled down into two commandments: love God and love your neighbor? Remember? Let me help you out: it's right here.

I mean, I could be real nitpicky and point out that he doesn't say anything about who has sex with whom right there. But, hell. For shits and giggles let's pretend that Matthew was secretly gay so he left that part out (thank goodness our good buddy Saul/Paul came along, huh? You know, the one who was super good at just plain loving everyone).

Let's just focus on the horrible things our country is doing, hmm? I mean. America is so messed up. We've got these crazy laws like The First Amendment that let you do things like not love God and not love your neighbor.

Dude. We can't let this go on any longer. We need to defend morality in this Godless wasteland of a country!! Down with the First Amendment!!! Hell, down with all of them!!! We need to get this country back on track! No more of this personal space bullshit! The theocratic commune has to take hold, NOW. TODAY. We cannot tolerate immorality in our country any longer!

If we do, the terrorists have already won.

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Thursday, March 15, 2007

You ever read one of those news stories

That kinda make you want to kill someone?

People who hurt animals are the lowest of the low. They're right down there with child rapists and child killers in my book. Anyone who would intentionally inflict harm on an innocent pet deserves far worse punishment than our system is comfortable doling out.

Shit like this makes me think the God of the Old Testament was onto something.

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Sunday, March 11, 2007

A wine-lover's worst nightmare

I have lost my sense of smell.

I don't think it's permanent. I certainly hope it isn't. I'm on the tail end of probably the worst case of allergies I've ever had. Yesterday I noticed I couldn't smell anything. I mean ANYTHING. I sprayed on some perfume before going out and realized that I couldn't smell it. I couldn't figure out if it was the way I wanted to smell that day. I held the bottle to my nose, held my wrist to my nose. Nothing. I was driving past a McDonald's with a friend. "Man," he noted wistfully, "that smells REALLY good." I grimaced. "I can't smell a damn thing."

At church this morning, I think I could slightly, SLIGHTLY detect the scent of the incense. This must be a good sign. But even so -- this is pretty damned terrifying. I've spent the day experimenting with different smells. I even opened the dumpster outside my apartment and took a good long whiff. Jackshit nothing. Coffee? What a joke. Tequila? I wish. Mint? Nope. I can't even smell PEPPERMINT OIL. Not vinegar. Not Tabasco. At this point I'm simply hoping against hope that none of my food is spoiled, because if it is, I won't know until I get the joy of spending my night vomiting.

Dad has "prescribed" Claritin and a sinus rinse, which is about as enjoyable as it sounds. It involves squirting solution into one nostril and allowing it to come out through the other -- or in the case of one of my nostrils, which is apparently particularly stuffed up, out through the mouth. Yum!

Being the Type A obsessive anxiety-prone individual I am, I've scoured the internet for resources indicating what the hell is going on with my body and why. Since this appears to be triggered by allergies, there's a good chance it will simply clear up on its own in a few days. Other possibilities: permanent neurological damage of unknown causes, or cancer. And I won't know until this clears up, or I get a CAT scan.

Allergy shots are sounding more appealing by the second.


Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Because THAT'S what we need

McDonald's has a new burger: the Third Pounder.

That's right. Their genius execucrats decided that too many people were starting to get healthy, dieting and exercising, and lowering their cholesterol, so they've unleashed obesity's latest weapon in the War On Humanity. The 740-calorie Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese apparently wasn't sufficiently artery-clogging.

This kinda makes me wanna run home and play DDR to flush the fat-karma from my brain. And yet I've got this stuck in my head:

MySpace Funny Pictures

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I hate having allergies. I feel sick but vitamin C, etc., will do me no good. I can't take antihistamines because I'll fall asleep (and I have waaay too much work to do). And I don't have time to go out and shop for an air filter.

Dammit dammit dammit.


Monday, March 05, 2007

My evil, evil brother

Yes, he is so evil that he gets two "evil"s.

Damn him. He's gotten me hooked on another TV show, and he knows how I am when I get hooked on a TV show. In a previous life, I swear he was a drug pusher.

Now, I've heard lots of great things about Battlestar Galactica. Everyone who watches it says it's fantastic (which is rare for a Sci-Fi original. Nothing against the channel -- they show some of my favorite old TV shows and movies -- but their original content generally leaves much to be desired). Friends who know my tastes have urged me to watch it. But I rarely get into a show more than half a season after its premiere. I have enough commitments as it is (as you can see from my last post).

But that didn't deter my brother. Oh no. He took it upon himself to send me links to a website that had a cheap sale running on the DVDs (with free shipping!). And then he nagged me every day for a week to buy it. "LF," he intoned, "Have you bought BSG yet? It's SO GOOD. You HAVE to watch it."

So finally I caved, if only to get him to shut up about it. This past Thursday night, they arrived, and I happened to be on the phone with him when I got home and stumbled upon the package.

"Okay, I'm gonna let you go so you can watch," he said, "You have to watch the first episode tonight." He wouldn't let me off the phone until I promised to watch it.

Okay, first, as a warning to anyone who buys or rents these DVDs -- the first "episode" is longer than most movies (since the show started off as a miniseries, which my brother conveniently failed to mention). I got to sleep waaay too late, and didn't even finish it.

Second, watch this show at your peril. My entire weekend is gone. I watched the whole first season this weekend.

The entire first season.

Took up my whole damn weekend.

And now I've gone and shelled out more money for season 2, which is evilly broken up into two separate sets (capitalist bastards). I almost paid extra for expedited shipping, but I have a ton of work to catch up on now, since I barely got anything done all weekend. Since I spent it on my ass camped out in front of the stupid telly.

Evil, evil brother. He's done this before, too. He's the reason I've joined the ranks of Firefly mourners.

And anyone who is caught up on the show (Andy, this means you) had better not spoil it in the comments. I will be very unhappy and unpleasant.

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