Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Question to all the litigators out there

Do you ever have days where you kinda wanna hurt opposing counsel? Like, not just a sucker-punch, although I have to say I have a mighty hankering to hand out one of those right now. But like, really do something just painful and irritating? Maybe something that'll leave a nasty bruise or rash?

Like a rub burn. Or a bunch of those really tiny pinches. Or a jackhammer to the head.

Just wondering.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Michael Jordan plays ball. Charles Manson kills people. I talk.

Easily one of the best lines I've ever heard in a movie.

See Thank You for Smoking. Seriously, just go see it.


Friday, May 26, 2006

If I'm ever convicted of a crime, I'm quitting calcium

Apparently being short is a sufficiently mitigating circumstance to turn 10 years' jail time into 10 year's probation. So says a Nebraska judge, anyway.

I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around this one. Surely this guy can't be the first short dude in Nebraska's history to be sent to prison?? I've been to Nebraska, and I've never noticed its people to be particularly tall. Is it because pedophiles get harsher treatment in prison? I mean, if so, my reaction is, too damn bad. You sexually assault a little kid, you deserve whatever comes at you, short, tall, or whatever. If you're really so extremely lenient as to actually care about the human scum, then put him in solitary confinement. But probation? Probation??

He had sex with a 12-year-old girl!!! He should fucking be in prison!!!!!

Our country is so screwed up.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Life going on...

One of my close friends at the firm didn't pass the bar this time around. She's leaving this week.

I almost feel selfish for being upset about this -- it's not me that got screwed over, it was her. I'm not the one who has to be scared about what to do next, she does. And yet I'm angry. I'm angry and I'm sad and I'm disappointed in a system that appoints itself the arbiter of competency and yet is itself incompetent.

I guess this is just how life is. It's a bitch and then you die. It isn't fair. The people making the decisions are never the ones most adversely affected by them. The people setting the rules never accomplish what they're supposed to.

I got in a fight with my sister yesterday that seems to center around her thinking I'm undermining her achievements just because I'm proud of her and I tell her about the fact that I tell other people I'm proud of her. One of the most ridiculous things about living in America is that we're taught that we're supposed to be independent. Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. Work hard and earn your living. Never depend on anyone else. But the truth is that no one is an island. We all depend on everyone around us. The rich person depends on the poor guy who is willing to take out her trash and do her laundry. The successful politician depends on the rich corporation using its money to make him win (just because I'm introspective doesn't mean I lose my sense of irony ;)). The talented graduate depends on her parents, her family, her teachers, and her future employers to make that talent worth having. The bar association of any state depends on people taking the bar -- and on people failing it, since what is the point of having an entry exam if it doesn't differentiate between people, even if it's on an arbitrary scale.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that life is wrong. It is messed up and it is ugly. Life has once again disappointed me this week.

And I guess that change depends on disappointment.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

My hometown

I love visiting Colorado Springs. It's gorgeous, it generally has good weather, and I have lots of fond memories from growing up there. As an added bonus, when I visit my family I get to see my dog, who is the awesomest dog in the world.

But this weekend made me realize that I could never live in the Springs again. This weekend I got a persuasive demonstration of just why I can't live there.

On Sunday afternoon Mom was driving me to the airport. While still on the winding neighborhood roads we came across a deer in the middle of the street. It had been hit by a car. There were two cars and their respective owners nearby. One guy, presumably the one who hit it, had a rifle drawn and pointed at the deer. I don't think I could ever shoot an innocent animal, but I do understand that he needed to prevent the poor thing from suffering. Problem was, for some reason the gun was not firing. He would aim at the deer, steady himself, and... nothing. He would then tilt the gun upwards -- to steady his grip? To re-cock it? I'm not sure what the problem was. But he repeated this process several times. At one point while he was waving his rifle around it went off and shot across the street. At this point I began to fear for my life.

"Oh my God. He doesn't know what he's doing!"

This *idiot* was waving around a *rifle*, pointing it in the air, across the street, just about any direction, *in the middle of a neighborhood*, *on a Sunday afternoon*!! For a few moments I actually worried that I might die.

I think the other driver got sick of him too. He finally walked over to his car, pulled out his handgun, and shot the deer.

God, I could so never move back to Colorado Springs.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Now this is just embarrassing

"If we have offended any Christians I would ask them to forgive us, which seems to be one of the main tenements in the New Testament," actor Paul Bettany, who plays Silas in the film, said with a smile during an interview with CNN's Brooke Anderson at Cannes Tuesday.

From a story on The Da Vinci Code. "Tenements"? Seriously??

I don't have time to go into the actual underlying controversy in the piece, though I would like to talk about it later. But I just had to point that out. Come on, Paul, you're a Brit. I thought you guys were supposed to have the whole English thing figured out better than us Yanks.


Tuesday, May 16, 2006

See, he should've gone to H&R Block.

Apparently cavorting naked on a desert island is not Richard Hatch's only odd proclivity. Looks like he also doesn't bother keeping track of his own million-dollar winnings. Seriously, how stupid do you have to be to think a TV show will pay your taxes for you? If they did that, they'd advertise that you win $1.75 million or whatever ridiculous amount you'd have to win to actually get a million after taxes. A TV show is not going to downplay its own prizes -- hello!

And either he is a liar, like the judge says (probably), or he has the stupidest accountants this side of the Mississippi border (or Arkansas, take your pick). "Gee, my client is a famous game show contestant who won a million bucks. I think I'll forget to ask him about it while I'm preparing his tax return."


Labels: ,

Monday, May 15, 2006

Terrorists' new weapons!

Apparently we all need to watch out for expensive sports cars travelling at physically improbable speeds. Sounds to me like they've got CIA spooks testing ways to be involved in deadly crashes and come out without a scratch. Either that, or this Eriksson dude is the son of Thor and an earth woman.

He better hope Daddy will help him out with his bills. Or else just send a lightning bolt in the direction of the collection agencies.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Oh thank God

After this year, they're laying the Hummer out to pasture. I seriously Do Not understand the appeal of these cars. They're big, they're ugly, they're expensive, they're a road hazard to anyone else driving near you, they're bad for the environment, and they're bad for the economy. If I was more idealistic and naive, I'd hold out hope that they'd get rid of trucks too. Yech.

Speaking of retired cars, I wish they'd bring back the DeLorean. Door-hinge kits, while cool, just aren't the same.


Thursday, May 11, 2006

Mom's Day

My little sister is turning 21 on Mother's Day.

So I'm flying out next week to help her celebrate. Since there are two occasions -- birthday and Mother's Day -- that means I have to bring a bunch of gifts. Which I actually enjoy. But my family, in a move most gift-givers would probably appreciate, always does this one thing that really annoys people like me, who believe that thoughtfulness and surprise are the key elements of a great gift: they tell me what they want.

It's not as though I've ever given a bad gift! I'm actually an *amazingly good* gift-giver. At Christmas, Dad gave me money and asked me to go out and find gifts for Mom and Grandma, since he couldn't think of anything to give them. And of course, given my unique talent, I found phenomenal gifts for them both (so phenomenal, in fact, that he gave me extra money and took more gifts than I'd planned on him taking -- which meant I had to make another trip to the mall to find them gifts from *me* again).

So for Mother's Day Mom has asked for the most random thing: Mother's Cookies. And not just any kind of Mother's Cookies; a specific kind that apparently you can't find anywhere online and that they really don't sell in stores anymore. She asked her local grocery store about it and apparently since the plant is located in California they'll only take special orders for California stores. And how convenient for her -- she has a daughter who lives in California.

And so, Mom has been telling me for the past month and a half now, the only thing she wants for Mother's Day is Mother's Angel Shortbread Cookies (they're actually really good; they're shortbread chocolate chips and they're especially tasty if you stick them in the fridge). I've been trying to get my hands on them for about a month now, visiting stores and making odd phone calls, etc. Today, I finally hit the jackpot: a nearby Albertson's talked their Mother's Cookies guy into dropping them four boxes of the stuff.

The best part is, after nagging me for so long and having me tell her a few times I haven't been able to find them anywhere, I think she kinda thinks she's not gonna get them. Which means that when I bring them to her next week, it will be kinda like a surprise!

Haha! The Master Gift-Giver strikes again!!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The cutest thing on four legs...

May be seen worldwide for a limited time on this webcam. Check out the gorgeous sheltie in Area 3. That's my baby! Mom and Dad are temporarily leaving her with the sitters while the plumbing is getting re-worked in their house. My little Cheyenne isn't the only one out of a home this week; Mom and Dad are camping at a hotel until it's fixed. The best part is, it will all be fixed by the time I visit them next week. I have such great timing :)

Mine's the cute one

Monday, May 08, 2006

"I feel... young!"

(Bonus points for anyone geeky enough to place the random-ass quote)

First, I have to say, there's nothing quite like making a four-plus hour plane flight in a middle seat on a crowded-ass 757, hungover as hell. Stupid United un-assigned me from my window seat to a middle seat for absolutely no reason. I suppose I should be grateful they didn't kick me off this time :P

Anyway, I just got back yesterday from a fantastic long weekend in Chicago. My law school debating society holds an alumni reunion weekend every year, and this year was my first as an actual law school graduate. It was indescribably fun. I saw people I hadn't seen in months or even years, I got to see my family in Chicago, I spent late nights out with friends and copious amounts of alcohol... it was quite a weekend.

But most importantly, I got almost no sleep. Granted, I feel half-dead at work today, but the point is that I spent three straight nights closing down bars and various other locales, and that is something to be Damn Proud Of. I may be a little older, but the law hasn't knocked the twenty-something out of me yet!

Now if only I didn't have a conference call at 4...

At least Fox may have *some* sense

If this speculation proves true. And, is this just me, or ought one to read this as saying that new episodes are being made, the only question is where they will show up? I'm crossing my fingers that Professor Farnsworth will concoct a plan to get them all back somehow!

Labels: ,

Thursday, May 04, 2006



Apparently the island has something against women. In particular, women who start relationships with the male castaways (Sun and Rose are safe because they were already married to start with). What gives? The second a girl shows interest (real or fake) in a guy, they kill her off. (I *get* that there may be totally non-storyline-related reasons for this). I think I'm starting to get it now: the island is a bitch. Literally. A jealous, man-hungry bitch.

Claire, I think it's smart of you to keep your distance from Charlie. Don't fall for him. Just, whatever you do... don't. And Kate, I would totally back off from Jack. Let's just not be foolish here, KWIM?


Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Efficiency w words.

I know, I haven't been blogging lately and I suck for it. I apologize to my ten faithful readers :) I'm really hoping to overcome this lazy streak soon. I've noticed this strange tendency in myself lately: I'm having a harder and harder time writing anything lengthy. Emails are the best example. If I find I'm writing a long email, I start to doubt whether it needs to be that long, and I usually delete the whole thing and start over, planning a pared-down precis.

Why do I do this? It's not because I've lost my sense of the value (virtue, even!) of verbosity. I think my family would challenge you were you to make that contention :) I've thought about it, and I think this is the culprit: partners and senior associates don't read half of what I write, if that. So if my email is long, chances are it won't be read. And if it isn't read, and it said something important, then of course *I* end up being the one to blame if something goes wrong because of it. And I don't like people blaming me.

This one partner that I work for is particularly bad about this. Just the other day I forwarded him a paragraph another associate suggested we insert into a document and wrote a quick message along the lines of "should I include this?" Partner had, shortly before this, written me an email telling me other (additional) things to incorporate into the document, and I'd followed his instructions accordingly. Unfortunately for me, the email from partner and the email I forwarded to him had very similar titles. So he thought I was asking him if he wanted me to insert the stuff he had just sent me, and he responded with a testy email along the lines of "why do you think I said to put it in?" (I cleared it up, but getting malignant missives from partners is never, ever fun).

Sigh. This sort of thing SO isn't my fault. Nonetheless, I bear the brunt of the badness following a loquacious letter. So less typing it is.

You'd think this would leave me wanting to just spill tons of words onto my very own blog page. Strangely, no. Blech, self-editing.

At least linguistically-minded readers like JCA will no doubt appreciate my assorted amateur attempts at alliteration, with which I've lightly peppered this post :)