Friday, March 31, 2006


Okay, LAK, this will make an interesting post.

This is funny: go to the Google search engine and type in your name + 'needs' after it, e.g. "John needs".Write down the first line of the description of the first website that appears. (It should say something like: "John needs a shave")Put this at the bottom of this list, remember to add your number before it.

1) Andrew Needs a Foster Home
2) Anna needs to be excused from class today
3) Fionn needs my help
4) Joss needs to be comended
5)Aine needs the foundation to help HIM cover the fees for school materials.
6)Amelia needs to turn her attention to regaining her husbands love7
)Niamh needs the urine because she will wipe it on Merlin'sscrying crystal later on, so that Merlin will be able to find Ceridwen later ...
8)Justine needs to understand the consequences is her depreciation deduction in future years will be severly limited.
9)Sarah needs someone to escort her from port to port!! hilario
10) Laura needs to take better care of her own two kids! (is there something i dont know here?!!)
11) Amy needs some training... eh dont think so!!
12) sinead needs rehab!!!!!!!!! not this year!
13) Brave Ronan needs decent cash boost to help make his dream come true
14) Peter needs to save Dumbledore
15)Project Noel needs our help
16)Mark needs a chick lyrics
17)Colleen needs the final contact information by tuesday.
18)Lesley needs only 2 more to start her master
19)"You need a flat, fishes need the sea, Lisa needs a tree"! what the fuck!!
20) AOIFE needs to consolidate itself as an influential organisation within FeministRearch in Europe.(okey dokey....n that means what exactly?!!!)
21) Rosie needs to find out the source of the smell before the two puppies end up back at the pound
22)Teresa needs help......(well i coulda told u that)
23)James needs a hat petition....( i also cuda told you that)
24) Colm needs my attention and so does the baby ...
25)Emmett needs a new cottage Home taping is killing record executives Spot the pigeon
26)Rachel needs some good thoughts
27)Leon needs a sword
28)Brendan needs assistance getting his computer to work
29Marian needs all copies of your and your horses membership cards
30)Jennifer needs a cold shower
31)Robyn needs to analyze the trouble spots in her current home (goh?!)
33)colin needs sumat betta dan this
34) Lianne needs John Hancock Long-Term Care
35)Larissa's friends and family agree that Larissa needs a push.
36)Jenny needs to find herself a baller...(wtf!??)
37)Luke needs a yoda.... hell yeah :P
38)Nicola needs a man (Haha!)
39)Abby needs to go into a home where she is permitted on the furniture (lol!)
40) ian needs a friend (OI!!!!!)
41)jim needs concrete blonde lyrics
42) Gemma needs to learn to keep her dumb whore trap shut before I shut it for her (wouldnt surprise me if that actually was aimed at me hah)
43) Dave needs his own militant activist to throw red paint on his enemies (I like it!!)
44)Jaye needs to help an old nemesis plan a reunion (hahaha!)
45)Emily needs to be told No & to be whipped into shape by Nanny 911
46) Gemma needs a kidney
47)hannah needs a new name
48) Claudia may need medication (what the fuck?!)
49) Andrew needs sleep, badly (Too right)
50) Laura needs advise on her new combi bolier. (yah wha?)
51) Dan needs a new car
52) Lorraine needs someone strong to help pick up stuff (this is true, im very very weak)
53) Albert needs help (oh dear...)
54) Kev needs new Bev (the other one deflated on me)
55) Suzanne needs help and the last person she expects to help her is the mayor.
56) what the world needs now is a 1998 Turner solo effort. (oh yes!! i couldn't agree more.. im off to the adult store!!)
57) Gillian needs to get used to the physical demands of her job as a prostitute.
58) Leigh needs to become a supermodel (would you bloody believe it!)
59) Kate needs more than a glad bag of coke for an evening!!!(...!!!)
60) Tam needs to tame her munchkin before I'm going in there.
61) Tony needs a big one..a big majority!
62) David needs dusting often, every two months during the summer. >_< a="=">Briggzy needs to take a shit or sumthin....
233. Kathleen needs to talk to people she trusts for reassurance that things will turn out great on the day. (ummm ... crying on the inside ...)
234. Laura needs to take better care of her own two kids
And, I shit you not, this was number 1 on the google search...
235. Bethany needs a good ass fucking.

Is someone pissed about my recent anti-male post? ;)

Thursday, March 30, 2006

I've never liked Pepsi

And my taste-based preference proves itself right on another, unexpected level: Pepsi is run by a bunch of whiners.

In my opinion, the people who actually care about performance out of their sports drink (versus using it a simple hangover cure) probably know enough to know more calories are generally better as far as hard-core performance goes.

For those of us looking to just cut calories, though, it's pretty convincing. I mean, more calories makes you gain weight -- so it's not so terribly misleading as Pepsi would have you believe. I think Pepsi's sore now that it realizes the Amish make for better commercials than Britney Spears.

And anyway, sports drinks taste nasty. I prefer unsweetened iced tea, personally.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

C'mon, Nino, 'fess up

Justice Scalia is fighting back against reports that he made an obscene gesture to a reporter who accosted him leaving Sunday Mass. Scalia, as everyone knows by now, made a gesture consisting of flicking his fingers out from underneath his chin.

Is this gesture really that obscure? I remember learning it when I was a kid -- for the record, I'm Irish-Scottish-Ukranian-Polish-English with a hint of Jewish. Not an Italian bone in my body. So learning this isn't limited to Italian families. There was the chin flick, the middle finger, and the fist-to-elbow (someone else has heard of this one, right?). All of these were obscene -- granted, the middle finger was the worst, but Mom was not happy to see us performing one of the other two gestures. Why? Because they were rude. I always figured rude meant obscene when I was a kid. There are words you don't say and things you don't do. Does it really make a difference whether it was "obscene" or rude? It seems to me that Scalia was definitely rude. So why the fuss?

Maybe it's the negative connotation of "obscene" with hardcore pornography. Scalia, a good Catholic, certainly wouldn't want to be associated with porn! Or maybe it's the free speech exception carved out for obscenity -- if obscenity can be regulated, then in some states the gesture might have even been illegal (though Scalia was surely safe in liberal Massachussetts -- not to mention, I certainly wouldn't want to be the DA who prosecutes a Supreme Court Justice).

But I think Scalia is just chickening out.

Come on! "Obscene," "dismissive" -- aren't we really just niggling here? Scalia was rude. As an extremely important public figure, he's certainly used to reporters thrusting microphones in his general direction, and he can hardly claim never to have put them to his own uses. Bottom line is, Scalia doesn't want to appear like some uptight Hollywood celebrity (virtually all of whom are liberal, unlike Scalia) who can't handle a little spotlight. Clearly he was offended by the question (asking about the reaction of some to his conservative Catholic beliefs) and couldn't think of anything clever to say in response. Anger does that sometimes.

So what's the big deal? Why does Scalia feel like he needs to be better than everyone else? Scalia loses his temper -- why pretend? In fact, my own limited experience meeting Scalia shows he might have quite a short fuse.

During my 1L year, one of my favorite professors announced an exciting surprise: Justice Scalia would be a special guest in an upcoming class! There's very little that's more exciting to an ambitious law student than the chance to meet a Supreme Court Justice.

Sure enough, later in the week the Justice himself is mere feet away from my chair. Excited, I make sure to take notes of everything he and the professor said. After introductions, the professor got on with the lecture. Within five minutes, Scalia had interrupted him, telling him he was getting it wrong.

Keep in mind, this particular professor is brilliant. He's argued dozens of cases in front of the Supreme Court and used to work for the Attorney General. He's a well-respected professor at the very school Scalia used to teach at. He's hardly some dumbshit who wanders into Civ Pro not knowing what he's talking about. He is, however, liberal.

He also has one of the assets lacked by roughly 99% of lawyers and law professors out there: genuine humility. In his typical "aw shucks" manner, he indulges Scalia's rant and invites the Justice to share his thoughts on the issue. I don't even remember what the issue was, but, frankly, the professor made more sense to me when he explained it. After Scalia's rant, the professor respectfully tries to steer us back on course to the lecture he had planned. Mere moments later, Scalia dismissively says, "looks like you've got this covered" and walks out of the classroom.

That's it.

No, "thanks for inviting me." No Q&A for the students. No offer, even, to shake his hand. He just up and walks out.

The professor, sweet and smiley as always, tries to make a joke out of the *very uncomfortable* situation by teasing us, "don't worry; I don't think it was you." The class chuckles and relaxes a bit.

But I'll always think Scalia is an ass, even if he feels the need to mince words to get me down to "meanie."


Apparently you can cough so hard that you sprain your rib. I shit you not, that's the official diagnosis. I have a sprained rib. And it hurts like hell.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Warning: Anti-male Rant and RULES for the girls

I'm not playing here. This isn't just another one of my feminist rants. This is an actual, honest-to-God, men-are-pissing-me-off-and-I'm-pulling-no-punches, Men Suck Rant.*

*My disclaimer is that I have a fair number of male friends who are more or less decent, but even many of them (all but a tiny sprinkling, as in, I can think of *maybe* two) exhibit every now and then characteristics that I will deem generally male, that are the result of millenia of pig-headdery (now a word) and unjustified thinking that NO ONE, not even most women (and hence, many women are at fault here as well), ever calls them on. This isn't to impugn their character (at least, not some of them), since being raised in our society and never being taught to respect women (opening doors does NOT equal respect), it's hardly their fault that they turn into such idiots.



I've blogged before about various internet dating sites, including okcupid, the starting point of this story. I was actually having happy thoughts about okcupid, since it introduced me to Recent Squeeze, who I've since dumped due to his refusal to act like an Actual Boyfriend (he phrased this as not being ready for a "serious relationship" -- apparently making plans past the next 12 hours qualifies as "serious." Whatever, dude). He was good enough to offer to be "a date" for me the next time I needed someone to go to the movies with (translation from man-speak: "I still want to have sex with you"). But darn it, wouldn't you know, I've lost his cell phone number.

Before breaking up with Monsignor Sexman (credit for the nickname due to RL friend Cathy), I'd had the pleasure of meeting someone named Creepy McCreeperson. Unfortunately, Creepy McCreeperson didn't tell me his real name, and instead said his name was Peter. I didn't learn the truth until later. Creepy told me he was dating someone, and I told him I was dating someone as well, and he appeared to be interested in a friendship since he was planning, supposedly, to attend law school sometime in the not-too-distant future.

Fast-forward a few weeks, I've broken up with Monsignor Sexman, and Creepy IMs me one day. He asks how things are going with MS and I tell him we've broken up. He then does a song and dance about how his relationship is good except for the sex, and he wants to try things out with me. Excuse me?? He hedges and makes up pathetic excuse after fabrication after laughable pretense of decency. After I tell him I think it's shitty of him to be out looking for pussy when he's already seeing someone, he accuses me of "not understanding." Riiight. Because there are *so many* girls out there who have no problem with their man sleeping with anyone he wants. Boy, where do I sign up??

When I make it clear I wasn't born yesterday and I'm not buying his steaming load, he starts to pout and accuses ME of overreacting? Excuse me?? I tell him I'm just being honest, same as him, and he sulks and stops talking.

Phew, dodged a bullet there. Oh, silly, brain, you think too soon!

I made the mistake of *not* blocking Creepy on AIM, and tonight he IMs me, again, and has the audacity to try and strike up a conversation. I don't immediately respond with "let's have sex!!" so he starts pouting again (what is up with the pouting?? Are we seven??). He then accuses me of "rejecting" an "olive branch" for friendship. I point out to him that he's being ridiculous and he, offended, claims he was just "being honest." You want honesty? Okay then. I tell him I'm not going to sleep with him. How's that for honesty? He pretends to laugh and asks "ever?" I say I'm not interested and if that's what he's looking for he shouldn't waste his time. Unsurprisingly, he signs off shortly aftwerwards. I'm not making the mistake of forgetting to block him this time.

So, with that lengthy backstory, HERE COMES THE RANT.

Just because not all men would cheat on their girlfriends doesn't mean they're not as creepy as Creepy McCreeperson. The reason most men wouldn't cheat is because they don't want to get caught (guys, if you're reading this -- and you shouldn't be, since I did warn you -- don't try to dispute it. I will see right through you, as I see right through most men). In other words, in addition to being immature, they're big fat cowards.

Some scientists will try to tell us that men have some "hard-wired" need for variety, just because they observe different brain patterns in adult men who have had their entire lives to become accustomed to the world being Man's Oyster. Gee -- men desire variety when they find that sex is pleasurable (as it always is for men, since women's free sexuality has only been embraced -- and then only haltingly -- in *maybe* the past twenty years or so)?? Boy, what a surprise! If men were socialized *one iota* to care about what women wanted and needed out of sex, women would crave variety just as much as men. As it is, we're so thrilled when we find a guy who bothers to, ahem, use his tongue for so much as twenty seconds, that we grasp onto him and don't let him go, lest the next guy not give us any much-needed attention. As it is, it's really no surprise that men want variety -- with all the sex tips out there for pleasing men and virtually every woman learning them (lest she be dumped for someone better in bed!), it's no surprise that men don't worry they won't find someone just as good. In our Man's World, they're virtually guaranteed to! It doesn't take an evolutionary biologist to recognize these Basic Facts About Our Society.

And while we're on the topic of sex, I Hate how men deem themselves "kinky" or "adventurous" for having "wild" sexual fantasies, when the fact is that EVERY MAN has THE EXACT SAME THREE FANTASIES:
1) Anal sex
2) A threesome
3) Some form of bondage
Yeah. Real creative, guys. Never heard that one before.

And here's the problem -- women *never* call men on this shit. It's too much work, or men will just find someone else (probably true), or they don't "really" mind (lying to themselves). Men are such *wusses* when you call them on their shit. They get defensive, or they blame-shift. Men are master of manipulation just as much as women -- they just don't *have* to be as devious because men are allowed to ask for what they want.

When women ask for what they want, or say what they don't want, they're treated as though they don't really know what they want. If I say I want to focus on my career, people doubt me *because I'm a woman*. What if I get married? What if I have kids? *If* those things ever happen (and that's a big "if," these days especially), that doesn't mean I won't want to focus on my career anymore than it would mean the same for a man. And yet, I am a *woman*, so I can't *possibly* know what I want. If I say to a guy, I don't want a fuckbuddy, he tries to argue with me as though I don't really know what I want!!!

These are not isolated incidents. It happens time after time after time after time and I am getting sick of it!! I know I don't usually use my blog to air personal grievances, but this was getting to me tonight. So I'm going to make a plea to all the women out there: stop putting up with this!!! Yes, it is men who are fucking with our lives -- but if we don't do anything about it, if we just sit around and take this kind of treatment, we're just as much to blame. Women, stand up for yourselves! We are not doormats! We do not exist for men's pleasure! Being alone is better than being with someone who doesn't deserve you, I promise!!

So, while this is an anti-male rant, the ones who have to do something about it are us WOMEN. The men have made it clear they're not going to change -- and why should they? If I had it that easy I wouldn't have a reason to want to change, either. So, women, here are your new RULES.

RULE 1. If you suspect a man means something other than what he said, pin him down. Get him to say exactly what he means. Chances are, he's hiding it because he knows that what he has to say is fucked up, and doesn't want to have to hear himself say it.

RULE 2. Never do anything you don't want to do, no matter how much a man cajoles you or what he promises you. Even on the off-chance he isn't lying, it isn't worth your self-respect.

RULE 3. Don't settle in the bedroom. Ever.

RULE 4. Love yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself.

RULE 5. Never need anyone for anything. You don't need a man to change your tire. You don't need Daddy to help pay your bills. You don't need a boyfriend or a whore to have good sex.

RULE 6. Decide what you want out of life and don't compromise. Ever. No matter what people tell you, settling is settling.

Okay, I feel kinda better now.

Something to look forward to...

I've finally booked a couple of flights for trips I've been wanting to take. But here's how skewed my view of "vacation" has become since I've started working: both trips are over long weekends (Thursday afternoon-Sunday).

The first weekend in May I'm going back to Chicago. I'll chill with old friends, visit some of my old haunts, and probably rack up tons of debt on the ol' credit card. As a bonus, by then the temperature in the Midwest should be somewhere slightly above Arctic Chill. Score!

The third weekend in May I'm visiting the old folks and bro and sis. Sis will be turning 21 just a few days before my trip, so Mom and bro and I will be taking her out to get hammered. I love my part-Irish family. I wish I was 21 again. How sad is it that I'm only 24 but I already feel old? I blame Hollywood. And my job.

I'm glad I finally booked these because it gives me something to look forward to. Kind of a sad/scary thing about life as a working stiff is that there's no end in sight. In school, everything is measured by semesters or quarters. You finish a term, you get a nice long break before you have to go back. I was fully aware in law school that school kicks Real Life's ass, any day of the week and twice on Sunday, and like the smart person I am I took advantage of it. Work has been fine since I started, at least until recently. I think I've finally hit that slump where you realize that life has permanently, irreversibly changed. I mean, I *knew* that before but lately I am really *feeling* it. I've been sick lately and my work has suffered as a result -- one of the downsides of Real Life is that the feedback when you're good is all but nonexistent. But the feedback when you're bad is immediate and painful. In law school I at least had the buffer of the several weeks (or in some cases, several lifetimes) between the exam and the grade. In Real Life, I'm lucky if a day goes by where I'm not made painfully aware of how I'm screwing up.

I'm probably overdramatizing. It has been a *rough* past few weeks. I don't *think* that means I'm a bad lawyer, but that remains to be seen for sure.

At any rate, the point is that now I have something to look forward to: two trips. And I *made* them happen. Breaks don't come automatically in Real Life, so I have to get out there and create them. So I did. And hopefully my accompanying good mood will boost my work. At the very least, I have a few days off coming up so I will get to drink off the pain around friendly faces.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Blaming it on illness

I have a cold. Can that lead to writer's block? We'll go with "yes" because that sounds like as good an excuse as any.

So. Since I'm sick I'm also having a hard time concentrating at work. This leads to boredom and fatigue, which leads to more of a slump.

But, I heard good news this morning! I was out last night so I didn't catch AI, but apparently Kevin is finally gone, gone, gone!! Hooray!!

Also, in the realm of "why obsessive sports fans are complete idiots," I offer you this.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Does this creep out anyone else?

Gmail reads my email. I get that this is the only way it has the handy wonderful search function, but somehow when I'm using it to search through my emails it just doesn't seem bad. What's creepy is when I'm having an email exchange with friends and suddenly ads pop up on the sidebars that relate *directly* to what we're talking about. Wrong on just so many levels.

Of course, Micah's been onto the Google empire's plans to take over the world for a while.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Apparently, cell phones CAN kill you

Yup, I'm a heartless bitch who will use a tragedy to make a cheap joke in the headline. But at least I'm not deaf, like the deaf girl who was killed while text-messaging her family since she couldn't talk on the phone with them, because she was deaf, and didn't hear the train coming, because she was deaf.

Did I mention she was deaf? Just trying to make it clear, in case the article doesn't mention it enough.

I guess I'll blog about American Idol...

...since I've had some serious writer's block this week. Also I have a different perspective on it than most Idol bloggers, since I haven't been watching the show. I usually only watch the first couple of weeks, where no-talents have their hopes, dreams, and egos crushed before a millions-strong television audience. Awwww yeah.

But I was bored last night and the TV was set to Fox, so I gave it a watch, and here's my take. I'm not going to bother with all of the contestants, because, let's face it, people with only a passing interest in AI (like myself) only care about like four or five contestants.

I also have to remark that I lurve Stevie Wonder. The shots of him with the contestants were reminiscent of one of my favorite episodes of The Cosby Show. You guys know the one. I wish I was a Huxtable.

Ace -- eh. Boring. And you'll never find me complaining about a pretty male face on TV, but I have to ask: is he really all that good-looking? *Really*? I'm just not seeing it.

Kellie -- I thought she was awesome in the audition but after last night I really don't see why she's so great. She does that annoying pallette-singing thing that only country singers do, and I FUCKING HATE country music. The country-girl thing is also a little annoying. And, no, Kellie, arachnaphobia isn't fear of bugs, it's fear of spiders. That's why Ryan brought it up when you said your fake eyelashes looked like tarantulas. And, yes, we all knew they weren't real tarantulas.

Mandisa -- great singer, and I just have to love her for being fat. Yes, I'll say it: she's fat. She's also adorable. She proves you don't have to be stick-thin to be attractive. And I just love her attitude.

Kevin -- wtf?? Um. He can't sing, he has a freaking LISP, and he brings back PAINFUL PAINFUL memories of awkward junior high life. Why is he still here??

Taylor -- is he really only 29? Really?

Paris -- I just love this girl. She better make the top two. She is just plain amazing, and so darn cute.

Chris -- my money's on him for the winner. He's got the talent, the personality, and he's even vaguely good-looking (any white guy who can do the bald thing gets extra points in my book).

And there's my in-depth commentary. Please God, let them kick Kevin off.

I was going to blog from my brand-new BlackBerry (I finally caved), but DAMN that thing is slow. Convenient for email and stuff, but thank goodness I have a working computer.


Saturday, March 11, 2006

Slobo... dead? Slobo IS dead.

Maybe he died of heartbreak that he was no longer the maniacal bloodthirsty dictator of the day.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Using my powers for good

Today I evaded the gravitational forces of evil. For a couple hours, at least.

Through one of my firm's pro bono programs I got to help finalize an adoption today. It was me, actual lawyer, helping my client file all the paperwork and making sure she understood everything and got everything taken care of in a timely manner.

It's not technically billable time but I get a kind of credit for it.

But even more importantly, I did something good today. I helped make a real live family's life better. There's very little in the world that can match the feeling I got today when my client legally became the girl's mom.

Man, I wanna do that again.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

In case you didn't notice...

I've changed my blog template on a whim!

I realized that the old look and "feel" of the blog wasn't particularly inviting. Maybe the brighter colors will encourage people to stay longer? Who knows. Anyway, I'm happy with it :)

Creepy Ol' Uncle Law School

Last night I went to an admitted students cocktail reception for LA-area people admitted to next fall's law student class at my school. It was fun and a little eerie to see some familiar faces. As soon as I got there with my name badge showing I was an alumnus, the questions started coming. Another alum was in a conversation with me and she has a much rosier view of All Things My Law School, so I let her talk, lest my view of the school as less-than-perfection scare off the admitted students. And, in fairness, a lot of my beef with my school is probably the sort of thing that would apply regardless of where I had gone to school (with the exception of my abject perpetual hatred for my legal writing instructor). After a glass of wine I was able to remember a lot of things I loved about law school and wax nostalgic, which scored me points with both the admits and the law school spies, er, administrators :)

I have kind of a love-hate relationship with my alma mater (do you call a law school an alma mater? Or is that only college?). I confessed this to a fellow alum, with whom I had dinner last night. He did a lot better in school than I did, so I figured he wouldn't have the same kind of bitterness toward the school. Surprisingly, though, he confessed that he shared a lot of the same feelings.

"There are lots of problems with the school," he agreed. "But you still don't complain about it to outsiders. It's kind of like the creepy uncle -- you bitch about him to your family all the time, but at the end of the day, he's still your family."

The analogy made a strange sort of sense to me. Warts and all, it's my law school. I guess, in spite of the bad times (though there were certainly good times as well), it'll always be my family.

And I'm okay with that.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Bad news if you're being stalked by your ex

If he/she is a party animal like Paris Hilton, there's now a precedent for a less exacting restraining order.

Paris having to miss some of her parties? That would be a tragedy! Someone should go tell the starving children in Haiti that there is justice and fairness in the US courts. I bet they'd be happy to hear that.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Must've been all that Kryptonite...

Dana Reeve has left the planet. Apparently not smoking doesn't save you from lung cancer. That's it -- I'm buying a pack of Marlboro Reds tonight.

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Monday, March 06, 2006

200th post!!

And it comes on the heels of last night's major upset. Micah had a great "chat" going on last night, which helped move things along as the ceremony itself seemed... somber? Jon Stewart was fan-damn-tastic as the host. He didn't pull any punches, and I respect that. Toss in some hilarious fake ads with voice-over by the brilliant Steven Colbert, Ben Stiller in a skintight green unitard (can we pause for a moment to just giggle at the word "unitard"?), and Will Ferrell and Steve Carrell following, apparently, a battle to the death with their makeup artists. These four should be the presenters/hosts for every award category in every award show from here on out. Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin can come too. They were pretty entertaining. Everyone else, eh. At least Sean Penn didn't come out and express his man-love for Jude Law this year.

Although I liked Crash, I'm really disappointed that Brokeback didn't win. I guess even Hollywood still has a ways to go with being fully comfortable with its own sexuality. While it's great that a good film with an unflinching look at the sad state of race relations in the country got the recognition it deserved, it's still kind of disheartening that (apparently) gender issues still aren't seen as being as important as race issues.

Anyway, I'll save the soapboxing for some other time. Yay for Reese Witherspoon and Rachel Weisz! I just love those two. I guess I'm happy for George Clooney and Philip Seymour Hoffman too.

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Sunday, March 05, 2006

Oscar blogging

Those of you who know me well know that I'm a movie and TV junkie. When I was a little kid, I wanted to grow up to be a movie star and the President of the United States. In no particular order. I was always interested in acting and made sure to steal the spotlight wherever it stood to be stolen (case in point: an old old old home movie -- I think I'm about 6 or 7 -- in which Dad was taping me and my brother and sister playing in our covered patio back in Selmer, TN. We were playing with large inflatable dinosaurs our youngest, then-single uncle had gotten us for Christmas. I think Mom was not too happy with him. Dad came in with the movie camera and started taping. I saw an opportunity to ham it up for posterity and proceeded to narrate our activities in story form. Dad and the movie camera weren't interested, and instead followed my painfully shy towheaded two-year-old sister around as she slinked in vain away from the camera's blinking red eye. I was good enough to come to my sister's rescue by following the camera everywhere and jumping in front of it as soon as it settled in any one place for more than a moment. Yes, I am a good sister).

Anyway, Mom and Dad were not such big fans of my Hollywood hoop dream. Mom grew up in Hollywood and hates the place and everything it stands for, even though as a child she counted among her friends Stacy York (Dick York's daughter) and Rita Wilson. I'm not a hundred percent sure what Dad's issue with it was -- probably had something to do with it not being a legitimate career choice, or something.

So, I never got the acting classes I wanted. Never got to join the drama groups I was interested in. Never got to go to casting calls or auditions. In fairness, it was probably for the better, as being a lawyer ended up being a pretty sound career calling. But still, my childhood dreams never came to fruition. Sigh.

Still, I've always enjoyed Oscar season. The tiny bit of girly-girl that remains in my system LURVES getting dolled up. Every time I have an excuse to buy a formal dress, I take it. Seriously -- any LA girls out there, around a size six, if you're looking for a gently used and fashionable formal dress to borrow, I can hook you up. Oscar night is when Hollywood is at its best. Everyone makes nice, everyone looks his or her prettiest, there's music, there's money -- it's one of those fancy occasions us normal peeps only wish we got more often.

Strangely enough, though, I've never actually been to an Oscar party. I don't think I've ever missed the Oscars (at least since age ten or so), but I always watch them at home. When I lived with my parents it was one of those things where, occasionally my brother or sister would be interested, but usually I would have to cajole the family into putting it on Oscar channel and they would take potshots at my favorite movies/actors. Ahhhh, growing up loved...

Now that I've lived alone for a while, while I enjoy the comfort and privacy of my own home, I kind of miss having people around to tease me when Leonardo DiCaprio is sitting there, un-nominated for Titanic (in my sixteen-year-old world this was a *travesty*) or when the unparalleled Joaquin Phoenix was robbed following his brilliant work in Gladiator (far superior to Russell Crowe's even though Crowe actually won). And there's nothing like having someone to laugh with you at the ridiculous and fun moments that pop up during the Oscars -- especially when people break with the script. In my mind one of the funniest Oscar moments was when Mike Myers subtly poked fun at behind-the-scenes folks. Yes, they matter. Yes, they're very important. Yes, movies would suck without them. But the fact is, they're not the ones we tune in to see at the Oscars. That they bristled at his hilarious teasing only makes them that much less entertaining.

So tonight I'll be watching the Oscars alone. Current Squeeze -- who is an actor of all things, lol -- is out of town so I'm back to my more recent trend of watching the Oscars alone and laughing out loud with no one but my neighbors to hear me. But it's okay. At least I can do my ridiculous victory dance when Joaquin Phoenix wins tonight.


Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Law as Life, Part Six

In all, my firm seems pretty chill so far. I blog from work, I email friends from work, I make personal phone calls from work, I even have AIM downloaded onto my work computer. And I'm not fired yet!

But apparently, my firm has drawn a line in the sand. And that line is standing between me and a cute little bunny named Toby.

Why would my firm want to keep me from joining in the fight to save Toby? Here's the only answer my computer gives:

Access to this web page is restricted at this time.
The Websense category "Phishing and Other Frauds" is filtered.


My firm thinks Toby's owners/captors are frauds! Could it be that they've caught onto the facetious nature of the site and in the humorless world of legal rumination *any* sort of dishonesty is lumped into one and the same category? If so, mightn't insincerity on the stand qualify as perjurous? And isn't all humor, at its base, somewhat insincere? This is a slippery slope, my friends, and I think we all know where it leads.

Sheesh. I bet it'd be easier for me to look for Playboy bunnies than endangered bunnies.