Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Oh, fuckety fuck fuck fuck

There goes the country.

You can say this makes me a "liberal" if you feel the need for simplistic categorization -- but I, for one, care about silly things like individual liberties and the Ninth and Fourteenth Amendments.

Silly me.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Loud bug noises

I think there is a special place in hell for whoever invented the car horn that plays "La Cucaracha." There is absolutely no reason for a horn to be that loud and obnoxious. Not to mention, it does a really poor job of accomplishing what horns are really for: emphasizing to other drivers, in addition to the bird you flip them, what major assholes they are. If someone hears "La Cucaracha" after cutting you off, it's going to make her laugh at you, and rightly so. Not only are you so slow that you made another driver impatient enough to cut you off, you're stupid enough to buy that inane melody for your car.

In particular, I despise whoever decided to sell and install that irritating horn in the car of the construction worker who works on the building next to my apartment, beginning at 7 AM every day. Nothing like waking up to "La Cucaracha" and power drills bright and early after spending the better part of the previous night drinking.

If I found a way to break the horn, that wouldn't count as vandalism, right? I mean, for something to be vandalism, it has to cause damage -- and *anything* has to be better than that stupid song.


Thursday, January 26, 2006

Everything in moderation

The UChicago faculty blog is considering instituting a censorship -- whoops, "moderation" -- policy for commenters. This is due to some recent colorful exchanges in the comments to some of their more controversial posts. In fact, the entire policy is being discussed, in essence, due to the immature comments of one particular commenter who shall, on this blog at least, remain unnamed (perusal of the comments to some of the more popular posts on the blog will likely reveal the culprit with relative ease).

Chicago prides itself as a place where the free expression of ideas is uninhibited. It claims that intelligent discourse on any subject is appropriate. Any position may be taken, as long as it is backed up by rigorous analysis and argumentation. Yet on its very own blog Chicago admits that it is considering "moderating" online discussions such that commenters are limited to one comment a day, and "off-topic" (what qualifies as "off-topic" is to be determined, presumably, by these unnamed moderators) comments be deleted.

Aside from the technical difficulties of implementing such a policy (indeed, few of the blog's authors take much time to add to the very comments they seek to re-focus), it is troubling indeed to see such a policy under consideration simply because of a few nasty comments from one or two people. Are blog commenters and law professors really so thin-skinned and easily distracted that they're unable to skip over a handful of unproductive posts? And, if so, who determines what is appropriate material for comments and how is such a determination reached?

On top of this, it reeks of the high-minded law school elitism my loyal readers know I've come to despise. Only some comments, apparently, are "good enough" for the Chicago blog. Many of the commenters to the post proposing the policy in question note how much they prefer a more "academic" or "technical" approach to the law.

Screw them! First of all, an academic approach to the law is only useful to people in academia. I've only been a lawyer for a few months, but I've already figured out that the most useful things I learned in law school were the Code of Civil Procedure and the Rules of Evidence -- everything else was just a collection of ivory tower exercises. Second of all, the reason I actually bother visiting the Chicago blog and not other professor blogs is because on the Chicago blog, people can actually talk about interesting and sensible approaches to the problems presented, rather than throwing around big words and patting themselves on the back for being so clever.

Don't do it, Chicago. Don't disappoint me again.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The joy of SoCal life

I can generally deal with traffic. Really, I can. Sure, it's annoying when there are too many cars for anyone to move very quickly, but at least then we're all in the same boat. When it's just too crowded to move, no one's to blame.

But what I really hate, what *really* burns me, is when people could easily, legally, safely go faster... and they don't!!!!!!

Adding insult to injury, these people always, *always* box me in. They go exactly as fast as the moron next to them (next to them is not always a moron. Sometimes it is just crowded in the adjoining lane) and don't get the picture when you weave in and out of the lane behind them. Safely. I mean, change lanes in a very safe but obviously impatient manner. Yup, very safe and legal.

On such an occasion, why not get the hell over???!?!?!?!?!?!

I mean, besides having some sick desire to drive people like me to psychotic paroxyms of irritation.

I still think Hyde Park (Chicago) drivers are the worst on the planet. But there are some *bad* LA drivers who would get along quite well with them.

Maybe I should take up boxing.


Sunday, January 22, 2006

I fucking HATE the Steelers!




SNL recap: Sarrrrrrsgaarrrrrrrrd!

The sketch worth watching this week featured one of my favorite under-represented groups: pirates! Yarrrr! I think most every movie would benefit from a healthy infusion of pirates. If Syriana had pirates in it, it might have actually made sense -- well, probably not, but it would have at least been entertaining. King Kong? It had everything -- except pirates! Ang Lee, looking for a follow-up to Brokeback? Let's do a movie about the prejudices encountered by gay pirates marooned on the lonely seas. Mark my words, Ang: cinematic gold!

The sketch in question involved a pirate convention whose special guest was invited for his pirate-friendly name: Peter Sarsgaard. It featured a question-and-answer session that had nothing to do with Sarsgaard himself ("Sarrrrrsgaarrrrrrd, do you know what the movie Wedding Crashers was rated?"). Another good sketch featured the Peter Sarsgaard SARS guard (a surgical mask with Peter's picture on it) -- but the pirates are the clear winner this week.

Is it odd that in spite of the fact that he's incredibly creepy and has a fleshier physique than most of the guys I've dated, I find him irresistably sexy?

Update: here's a clip of the sketch. Yarrrrr!

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Friday, January 20, 2006

Yeah, I guess this fits

You are the Rule of Lenity! You interpret
ambiguities in penal statutes in favor of the
accused. You're a laid-back kind of rule and
concerned with not being too quick to judge.
You're soft on crime.

Which Canon of Statutory Construction are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

HT to the author, Legally Intoxicated

I don't get it

Could someone please explain the new MGD ads to me? I don't get it.

I'm talking about the ones where people in various clubs/bars will be pleading with the bartender to give them a bottle of Miller, protesting "I'm 25!" There's some allusion to needing to be thirty to sip the carbonated concoction.

Is the point that if you look 30 or younger you get carded? If so, how did these people get into the club in the first place?

Is the point that Miller is for old people (the spin word for this is "sophisticated")? Don't worry, Miller -- my 24-year-old self prefers martinis to average-ish yeast-based beverages anyway.

I'm probably thinking too much about this, but I really don't understand the commercial.

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Thursday, January 19, 2006

A Seinfeld-y day

Apparently, I'm Jerry Seinfeld today.

This morning, I slept through my alarm. Straight through. Normally this would just be a minor setback, but this morning I had a scheduled meeting with my pilates instructor.


Since they have a twelve-hour cancellation policy, I got charged for the session even though I didn't show up. :P

When I got to work this morning, I learned that the firm is giving everyone a raise (the countrywide sweep is starting in Los Angeles this decade. Sweet!). Well, that will cover the pilates session nicely.

Hmm. Now that I think about it, this is more like throwing a twenty-dollar bill out the window, then having my friend remember that he owes me a thousand bucks.

I like my version better :) Sorry, Jerry.

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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Comedy Power Couples

The Golden Globes didn't "grab" me this year the way awards shows usually do. Which is strange, since I'm actually mostly happy with this year's winners (unlike most years, when my favorite actor/director/composer/etc. gets completely gypped).

I have to say, though, the highlight for me was Steve Carell's acceptance speech.

Although I'm not sure if he thanked his wife enough.


Sunday, January 15, 2006

Hells yeah!!

Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

About time, too. 1998 was WAY too long ago.


Thursday, January 12, 2006

The Ghetto-Fabulous Life

Rudolfo (my car) has become a Ghettomobile. Poor Rudolfo.

Rudolfo was rear-ended yesterday. The car two cars in front of us stopped suddenly, without warning. And FAST. Rudolfo gave the brakes his all and we nearly skidded into the car in front of us. Fortunately, we missed him.

The lady behind us wasn't so lucky.

Rudolfo now has a broken bum.

Rudolfo and I weren't mad at the lady, whose car was hurt so badly, I don't think he's going to make it. Poor guy. The lady was quite distraught, and I felt bad for her. It was no more their fault than mine and Rudolfo's.

Rudolfo will probably need a new bumper and muffler. He doesn't look too badly hurt on the outside, but he sure does make a racket now when we're driving around.

At first Rudolfo was kind of embarrassed about this, but now he's beginning to enjoy the extra attention he gets when we zoom around town, his exhaust pipe roaring like a '73 Pinto.

Rudolfo, you are so Ghetto-Fabulous.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

This gives new meaning to "couch potato"

I wonder if that girl from The Ring killed her.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Things I noticed today

A man well past his prime wearing what appeared to be a towel wrapped around his body in a way that was supposed to approximate shorts. And nothing else. Good God, I'm glad I didn't look for long.

A white dog (some kind of shepherd?) darting into the busy morning traffic on Olympic Blvd. I was glad to see he safely made it across the street.

The "AT OIL TEMP" light flashing on my dashboard. I guess I can't put off getting my oil changed any longer. Wheee, a fun Saturday outing!

All of the holiday decorations in the office have been taken down. I guess the holidays are officially over. Sigh.

My name has finally appeared on the CalBar's website! Hooray! I have a bar number to attach to pleadings!! And now no one can doubt that I'm a real live attorney :)

Wow. I think that's my favorite one. Although I am quite glad that doggy didn't die this morning.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Law as Life, Part Five

Law professors like it when students talk, which leads to this sort of antisocial behavior.*

Judges like to hear themselves talk, which leads to reductions in the ego of attorneys (thank God!)

* I actually like Gus very much. But his post just made me laugh out loud and begged to be mocked with a link from another blog :)

Monday, January 02, 2006

I am going to kill my neighbor

I understand that the subject of this post could be quite damning indeed if my neighbor turns up dead in the morning. Right now, though, I don't even care because I would probably sleep better in prison.

My retarded neighbor is playing some kind of psychotic New Age techno music at some insane hearing-damage level. At first I tried to ignore it. Then I tried stomping around my apartment LOUDLY (I'm upstairs; this person is downstairs) -- and keep in mind I'm generally a quiet walker. I don't even slam the doors like my next-door neighbors do at whatever hour they happen to come home at night or leave in the morning.

And, I have to say, I've been a pretty good neighbor. I'm a generally friendly person. And I invited all my neighbors to my holiday party a few weeks ago (my landlord came and one of my neighbors called to say he couldn't make it). I've only had someone, er, spend the night a couple times, and generally not, oh, the NIGHT BEFORE THE DAY EVERYONE HAS TO GO BACK TO WORK AFTER THE HOLIDAYS. And anyway your neighbors can't masturbate to psychotic music unless they're seriously fucked up. I'm just sayin'.

Since I can't sleep I'm going to play DDR, on full blast, and stomp the hell down onto the dance pad. That way I kill two birds with one stone: I annoy the fuck out of my retarded inconsiderate neighbor AND I make up for the fact that there's no way I'll be able to make it to the gym now in the morning (good thing my personal trainer is out of town, because I have to pay for those sessions whether I make them or not).

If that doesn't work I'm totally putting Star Wars or Jurassic Park or something on full blast.

God, my stupid neighbor is retarded.